Colleen Courtney

Rookie - 37 Points (10/13/65 / Massachusetts)

Where Am I?


How did we get here...from there?
How does life start out so wonderfully
but yet go so incredibly badly?
How do you take a child,
lucky enough to have
a loving family, a seemingly
picture perfect childhood,
and have it go, oh so very wrong.
How does a person who grew up
with virtually everything, end up
with so absolutely little?

Who or what decides how our lives will turn out?
Fate? Destiny? A Higher Power?
Or is it ourselves?

One little white pill...that's all it took.
Did the fickle hand of fate reach out and
hand me that little white pill?
Did the voice of a Higher Power reach down
through the clouds and tell me to open wide
as it dropped that little white pill
on my tongue?

It would be so easy to blame others
for our plight in this world.
To curse others
for our plundering lifestyle.
But as we grow, mature and
day by day, slowly get ourselves well...
Reality comes crashing in.
It bowls us over and slaps us
in the face.
And finally, we awaken.

To a large degree, we really don't decide
how our destinies will unfold.
But to a small degree, we do.
We are responsible for our choices.
It would be nice to push the blame
onto another.
To say we've been forced into
our lot in life.

But with maturity and growth
comes the courage and ability,
to own up to our powerlessness
and failures.

So how did I get here?
It all started with a
little white pill.

Submitted: Wednesday, December 11, 2013
Edited: Wednesday, December 11, 2013

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Comments about this poem (Where Am I? by Colleen Courtney )

  • Silver Star - 7,886 Points Daniel Brick (8/18/2014 9:00:00 AM)

    This had to be a long poem. Even the repetitions were necessary to convey the full weight of your experience.
    You are addressing philosophical questions but the intellect cannot help here, only the heart. And my heart beat faster as I each phase of your wrestling with decisions and their consequences. Your poem resists closure.But it has something more important than the full circle closure would bring. It takes us deep inside the experience of loss and shows there is still a reservoir of moral strength for the next time you/we must confront such issues. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 10 Points Robert Melliard (6/25/2014 7:31:00 PM)

    Dear Colleen,
    I have read this poem with great interest but I can't help noticing a couple of cases of perhaps unnecessary repetition (the little white pill and the put-the blame-on-others idea) . I also find it hard to understand exactly what kind of pill is in question. My guess would be you had an abortion, but I may be wildly off the mark. Anyway you touch on a number of points I have wondered about myself but never expressed so well, such as how a person who starts out with great advantages in life can end up failing in some way, which has been the story of my last fifteen years on this planet. Anyway I hope you have learnt to forgive yourself for whatever went wrong. We seem to find it much easier to forgive other people, don't we? Please read Another Woman Stabbed or Waiting For My Grandchild if you have a moment.
    Best wishes,
    Robert. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Star Girl (6/24/2014 10:39:00 AM)

    awsome poem.it was like i could relate to the writer about wanting to blame others but relizing that i'm the only one who has control over what gose on in my life because of choices i've made. (Report) Reply

  • Gold Star - 15,237 Points Deepak Kumar Pattanayak (6/22/2014 2:26:00 AM)

    A nice poem with an eternal question' where am I'? .......since birth till last breath we are unaware where we are......even in heaven we will question where we are.......a never ending quest only God knows...............
    very nicely composed................. (Report) Reply

  • Silver Star - 7,536 Points Geetha Jayakumar (6/20/2014 6:30:00 AM)

    Beautiful poem with thought provoking question....Where Am I? ...
    Very true said, we just blame others who ever come as hurdles in our way to reach our destination.
    Loved reading each lines. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 427 Points Chris Zachariou (6/9/2014 7:07:00 AM)

    Hi Colleen,

    I love the simplicity of the language here.

    Your words pose the question of responsibility. I think there are boundaries of personal responsibility but I have yet to find out where they begin and end. Sometimes I think it's when one's actions effect others negatively but then I think of situations where my argument is not valid. I then get very confused.

    Also it poses a greater spiritual question. If we have no control or cannot influence some of the really important events in our personal lives, then where does this leave the concept of destiny and sin?

    Also, I do not understand the 'little white pill'. If ever you feel that you can let me know please message me.

    Chris (Report) Reply

  • Gold Star - 10,411 Points * Sunprincess * (6/2/2014 8:15:00 AM)

    ...............where are you? ....after reading this write....I feel.you are in the matrix movie....and you had a choice of a white pill or a yellow pill... and you chose the white pill....then it was like you are alice and you fell down the rabbit hole.....all you see and all you hear is not what it seems....if the truth be told even the planets have a starring role....with their gravitational pull effecting earth's orbit..... hope you make it back to reality soon....we need pic (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 168 Points Timothy Caffery (5/25/2014 9:21:00 PM)

    Hmmm, I hear a whimper of hopeless Indian Chiefs begging you to tell them this as a mother tells a child a bed time story. This poem takes you to the edge of the dragon's lair, but it doesn't take in. But to get there at all, is a feat no one unworthy can even know exists. I'm glad this doesn't rhyme, it carries the agony all that much closer, too me. I'll just rate the rest. But I see your trajectory & it's beautiful, come what may. (Report) Reply

  • Freshman - 1,347 Points Loyd C. Taylor, Sr. (5/19/2014 1:31:00 PM)

    Hello Colleen, lots of wisdom, advice and observations of life in this piece. I enjoyed, Loyd (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 874 Points Cynthia Buhain-baello (5/4/2014 10:00:00 PM)

    A very tragic story and very strongly expressed, it touches the heart in a personal and intimate way. I can relate very well to your lines. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 52 Points Erika Wingo (4/3/2014 12:21:00 PM)

    A great piece written in a very stunning and raw way. I too have awakened, in more ways than one. I do know and feel your pain. -Many blessings to you (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Jay Hall (3/31/2014 6:29:00 AM)

    Awaken indeed. And for some the awaking comes much too late. (Report) Reply

  • Silver Star - 8,980 Points Mr. Nobody (3/28/2014 12:03:00 PM)

    WOW! To me, this was written from a very high frequency! That fact that you can
    tap into that is rare and BEAUTIFUL!

    Get back into the groove and write! Let that heart sing! ! ! ! (Report) Reply

  • Rookie - 173 Points Stan Petrovich (12/20/2013 2:46:00 AM)

    Science, especially theoretical, physics, has shown (at long last) , that we are here (in the paraphrased words of Lawrence Krauss in A Universe from Nothing (Why is there Something Rather than Nothing) , because a conglomerate of certain specialize molecules happens to be, at a certain space & time where they can form consciousness and body looking for happiness. In the end everything fades to a dim plasma weakening still until the end of Time. I was rather depressed when I read his book..

    I am not confused but indeed impressed with your little white pill metaphor. (Report) Reply

  • Rookie Devin Iven (12/19/2013 12:31:00 PM)

    I LOVE the lines:

    But with maturity and growth
    comes the courage and ability,
    to own up to our powerlessness

    Hit it perfectly. Keep writing Colleen. (Report) Reply

  • Bronze Star - 6,058 Points Khairul Ahsan (12/11/2013 11:26:00 AM)

    The poem is an easy read as the language flows naturally like a stream. But I haven't understood what that 'white pill' is. Perhaps a note at the end would have given us some clues.
    'Who or what decides how our lives will turn out?
    Fate? Destiny? A Higher Power?
    Or is it ourselves? '
    These are relevant questions which you've tried to answer.
    'To a large degree, we really don't decide
    how our destinies will unfold.
    But to a small degree, we do.
    We are responsible for our choices.'
    I agree to this inference of yours, by and large. (Report) Reply

Read all 16 comments »

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