White Paper Poem by John Kipling Lewis
White Paper
Wrapped in reflective pleochroic
white paper with etched horse heads.
Stone bridge covered in the
center by the black soot of
thousands of trains.
Over ripened watermelon
heated in the mid-day sun
until it bursts open its viscus
red innards.
Footsteps into a lonely forest
path as dusk darkens the
shadows of twisted branches.
and you.
8. Good use of images. Not a 10 because of various errors (ex. 'viscus' should be 'viscous') , and a few spots that don't work - 'lonely forest' is a cliche, the 'and you' is overdone.
This poem has not been translated into any other language yet.
I would like to translate this poem
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4/19/2024 6:17:26 AM # 1.0.0.1119
I think this one is good but could use some rewording to grab more of an audience.