Whole Poem by Sandra Brennan

They say at the root of all addictions
Is the search for wholeness,
Or more accurately, the need
To fill in the hole, we all have inside.
I have to admit, some days
This hole seems the size of
The Grand Canyon and I keep
Trying to find the one thing,
The one person, the one vice
That is going to make me feel
Complete.
But the thing is, that doesn’t happen.
The more you try to fill in the hole,
The bigger it gets,
The more it consumes what’s left of you.
It takes a while, to recognize this,
To realize that instead of digging yourself out,
You’re digging yourself deeper.
That you are the one with the shovel,
Making it all worse.
It’s hard to get out of your own way.
Hard to ask for the rope to pull yourself out.
Hard to admit that the hole inside of you
Is beyond your ability to repair, or hide.
That is when you learn humility.
That is when you find out who your friends are,
The ones who will throw you the rope,
Reach down with a hand and pull you up.
Or stand on the edge of the void
With their own shovels and help you
Fill it all in, until your strong enough
To climb out on your own.
I know I’m not the only one,
With this hole inside.
Not the only one battling demons
And trying to find my way home,
Make myself whole.
So, throw me a rope here, help me now,
And I promise to return the favor
When your time comes.