Why Poem by foxy babii

I don’t understand anymore, why I like to feel sore.
I am ashamed and hurt by me, the anger is there I can see.
Why do I hurt me I don’t know, but when I do I do not show.
Why I wish I was dead, I don’t know what’s in my head.
It gets worse everyday; I don’t want live this way.
When I hurt me I hurt others, I hurt family sister and brothers.
I don’t like it when people talk bout me, I wish that it wouldn’t be.
Why do people care bout me, they shouldn’t don’t they see.
I only disappoint them bad; I hate to see them sad.
Why don’t they just leave me, and pretend I wasn’t here to see.
Why cant I stop it is wrong, why I’m not so very strong.
I broke myself for life; by slashing me with a knife.
I would be better if I never came, never open up all the same.
If I had just kept it to me, not being open for all to see.
Now I can’t hide again and be myself with my pain.
And look to be fine when I am not, nice on the out but inside I rot.
I can’t do what I used to it’s in the open what did I do.
Why did I think it would make me better, why didn’t I just write in a letter?
Then burn it on the floor, then I could always be sore.
I was stupid to think I could change, that is way out of my range.
I should have stayed with my pain, even if it drives me insane.
I never should have tried to live, when I had nothing to give.
I should have ended long ago, why I didn’t I do not know.
But I made some dumb mistakes, I know each time I wake.
To face them every day, knowing I could have gone a different way.
But I am stuck with what I am, stupidly soft like a lamb.
I can not change what Ive done; even tho it isn’t fun.
I hate what ive become today, I hate myself this way.
I tried to change so many times, failure only ever chimes.
Not much left I can do, but what ever I find I need to.
I can’t go on this way; I am a waste as I may.
At this moment I am horrid and mean; to myself I need not be seen.
Best off dead if I can’t change; tho that will be strange.
I curl up in a ball, my life hits the wall.
I hate this awful pain, like a never ending rain.
I am waiting for it to stop; I want to reach the top.
I want to be happy and glad, aint want to constantly be sad.
I want to help people other then me, I want to be someone u can see.
I wanna be strong if I am aloud; I want my parents to be proud.
I want to make a difference for the best; I want to give my pain a rest.
I don’t want to cry every day; I don’t wanna live life this way.
I want to change but I don’t know how-no more to be low.
Love I want to be able to feel, I don’t wanna deny it I need to heal.
Until I change it aint worth living, always believing,
Holding on to what could be, forever wanting to change me.
Will I live or die? Will I change or live a lie?
I can only ever try.