Why did you choose me?
‘Why did you choose me Mummy’?
I might ask you the same....
‘Why did YOU choose me? ’
I muse in quiet contentment.
Across the years I waited.
You gave me no clear signal you were coming,
yet something in me knew.
The vague sense of distant footsteps,
that the steady pulse of my life
beat in time, with another’s rhythm.
My door’s bright light catching a startled baby rabbit.
Piercing Romany eyes gazing out from the gloom,
staring from the passageway,
panicking, paranoid with uncertainty.
A bath, to warm and soothe
and you just scream and scream and scream.
You are afraid of everything.
The car wash, strangers, even new shoes
At bed time always I must close your door, with lights out.
And you never, never, never leave your bedroom
until I come to find you.
Floppy baby boy, not used to being held.
Two precious birthdays gone,
finding no comfort in my embrace.
I search for tight, breath held connection.
Though you have never allowed kisses
Then you started to dance, in your own unique way.
Eye contact optional, gaze often turned inward.
Inviting brief companion,
although measured with solemn, mute composure.
A quiet observer,
cautious holding hands.
So we shadow danced through tantrums,
Well meant ‘professional opinions’
We seek support for an application to love you.
While all the time working, to find that single link
you could hang your trust upon.
We meet ongoing intrusive investigation.
That we loved you seemed inadequate
‘How can you meet his ethnic needs’?
What does ‘dual heritage’ mean,
in the context of our love?
‘Why did you choose me Mummy’? Heartfelt explanation…
‘Hearts come home. You have returned to where you were grown,
where you were sewn and nurtured’.
‘You were in me from the very beginning.
A whisper of a seed
I would reap; my special harvest.
My darling son; you grew in my heart.
And hearts are the same colour.
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