Wimpy Drinks Poem by Randy Johnson

(THIS IS A FICTIONAL POEM)

When I went to a bar, I ordered a glass of Tang.
Ordering that wimpy drink got me beat up by a gang.
The next night I ordered a Shirley Temple and I got beat up again.
They beat me so hard that my lungs collapsed within.
The next week I ordered another wimpy drink and I paid.
They broke out all of my teeth because I ordered a pink lemonade.
What was done to me was evil and crude.
Now when I eat, I have to gum my food.
Every time I go to that bar, my ship is sure to sink.
If you want to stay healthy, don't order wimpy drinks.