You Can Fool Them Poem by Naida Nepascua Supnet

hi again naida, i have finished editing/offering suggestions as per your request. again, thanks for sharing. bri Though you look fine to them....[this is ok with me.] They believe so they seem...THEY SEEM TO BELIEVE SO or, THEY BELIEVE, SO THEY SEEM...[i added a comma] With our eyes you can't hide.....FROM OUR EYES YOU CAN'T HIDE For we know your true side.....[i like this.] You were good once before...[i like it] Why the change why so cruel....WHY THE CHANGE? WHY SO CRUEL? or WHY THE CHANGE, WHY SO CRUEL? [i just noticed you used NO punctuation in this poem. i wonder if you don't use punctuation in any poem. it is a unique (to me) style which may set your work apart from most works, but it could cause some problems for readers.] You became a boastful thing....[this is good] And one heartless being...[i like this also][what a horrible man! oops! or woman! or dog! or cat! or? ! ; i guess a being doesn't have to be a human being.] Though you can fool them nice....THOUGH YOU CAN FOOL THEM NICELY. Don't forget we've keen eyes...good! We adore you more before...WE ADORED YOU BEFORE [i left our more since i don't think there is any room for adoration now! ] We miss doing that chore...WE MISS THE WAY YOU WERE or NOW, YOU, WE ABHOR....[chore makes a good rhyme with before BUT i don't think of adoring someone/something as being a chore.]

ok naida, at your invitation i have read and shall edit one, at least, of your poems. here goes! first of all, i like the poem quite a bit. if the english were better, i might even think that I WROTE IT! I hope you listen out.......i think this could be I hope you listen (to me) or I hope you hear me out You can lie all you want......this is good as is! Wear your mask one by one.....i don't know what you mean. maybe Wear your mask(s) one by one But the truth you can't run.....But the truth you can't outrun or But from the truth you can't run well, i'll send this much and see how it looks. then today or later i will work on/play with the rest of the poem. thanks for sharing. i have sent it to my poemlist. bri