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  • 337.
    Limericks of South African Towns and Place Names

    To start with:

    A limerick writer's a fighter
    His rhymes must be tauter and tighter
    His overworked muse
    Cannot be obtuse
    Or he'll end up a trite lighter writer.

    An innovative Chef called Karola
    Invented a drink Qoque-a-Qola
    With calls from afar
    It was sealed in a jar
    And delivered to ZONDI and ZOLA.

    Young Vusi whose Baba was Themba
    Said: Baba, let me be a memba
    Of the Club where you go
    Where uMama say: No
    Cos the 'fast' gels are in ZWELETEMBA.

    You want to be very good farm-a?
    Then with mali you cross-a my palm-a
    An' I tell you for sure
    Your marog will grow pure
    For you, only you, in XIPAME.

    When asked who she was young Lindiwe
    Said: I come from a place called XIMHUNGWE.
    But because I'm as thin
    As a stainless steel pin
    They asked if I'm really that hungwe!

    The Swallows came in from MOROKA
    To prepare their home ground for the socka
    But when Kaizers, by name
    Had finished the game
    'Twas not socka but knock-a da block-a!

    I can't click the X in XIKUNDU
    Cried Liza: Mama, it's too soon to
    It's too hard to learn;
    It isn't my turn!
    So take me, please, back to the bundu.

    To the Northern Transvaal came Diablo
    Who fancied a town called XIGALO
    He gave a loud snort
    It was not what he thought -
    No place there for him, a gigolo.

    The buildings in lovely XIHOKO
    Are genuine Sotho rococo
    But just down the road
    Lives a great noisy toad
    Who sings 'neath the giant portico.

    Linia and Zinia were terribille
    Most times being quite incorrigibille
    But when it boils down
    As to who'll 'do him down'
    Not Linia but, always, ZINIAVILLE

    The buildings in lovely XIHOKO
    Are genuine Sotho rococo.
    By oh how ironic
    The columns are Doric
    Which makes all that art 'Doricoco.'

    When Roberto went down to ZINGWINI
    He asked for a plate of linguini
    Said the Chef: Man, I tell ya
    You're not in Italia
    You're in Zing where it's quite in-betwini.

    'Tis 'toughies' time down in QUDENI
    They have that poor guy called Houdini
    They laugh ha-dee-ho
    And won't let him go
    Until he can say Click-udeni.

    A rakish young dandy called Loring
    Bought skinny tight pants in Leeudoring
    So happy was he
    He sang in High C
    Then fell to the floor weakly snoring.

    There once was a boxer called Knoetze
    Who boxed in the ring on his foetze
    His muscles were great
    You could see what he ate
    Sure helped to increase his outputze.

    There was a young man from de Aar
    Who ate candy floss in de baar
    The Barman said Nowt!
    You’re too young, you get out
    And gobble your floss in de caar.

    An overweight chick from Benoni
    Adored pumpkin pie with poloni
    When she finished a meal
    She’d let out a squeal
    Dat’s food for da gods, no baloni.

    In NELSPRUIT a long-legged showghoul
    Met and married a millionaire moghoul
    But he had a mother
    Who nagged like no other
    A-bingle, a-bangle, a-stranghoul!

    Hooray, cried a Mum of CATHCART
    You can’t tell my twin boys apart.
    Except when their Dad
    Feeds them something real bad
    Then their thanks are pure state of the art.

    A silly nerdette down from TWEEDIE
    To hubby said, Wow but I’m needie.
    Said he, in the buff
    You get more than enough
    For you’re not only greedie you’re seedie!

    Said Mum to her laddie in WEENEN
    My son, where on earth have you beenen?
    I’ve beenen to seenen
    The Cardinal Heenan
    Cos I’ve been quite a lad with the seamen.

    There was a young man called Margolis
    Who hailed from a town PHILIPOLIS
    He said I’m a sucker
    For bell, book and tucker
    And ladies like Cheryl Carolus.

    There was a young lad from HOBOKEN
    Whose heart was quite literally broken,
    Said his lady Delilah
    Now why doncha smilah
    I’m here and you’re really mistoken.

    There was a CACHET VIP
    Who took Goldie Hawn home for tea.
    He let out a whoop
    When she feel in his soup:
    You're a girl in a bouillon, cherie!

    In FRANSCHOEK a lady de Lille
    Was recently put on de pille
    'Tis said without vex
    That a man Mister X
    Foots de bille for de pille for de Lille.

    A mawkish old gal from DINWIDDIE
    Had neighbours who called her a biddie.
    They said that her nose
    Could supplant a red rose
    To which she replied: What a piddie.

    A rye-sodden chap from DUDUZA
    Was known as a really top buza
    If you told him to stop
    He would give you a klop
    Which made people say: What's the uza?

    Toilets in the veldt stinky-stinky
    Row upon row....kinky-kinky
    Where behind every door
    Live the legends of yore
    Who go by the name Pinky-Pinky.

    Said a seer to our Santa: ‘It’s very clear
    You’ve gone and got tiddly in Farrarmere.’
    ‘I dirrent, ’ said Santa
    ‘I only drunk Fanta
    Or maybe …..I only jus’ harrabeer.’

    In a tavern at dusk near Witkoppen
    Are the dudes hanging out with their poppen
    But oh how they droop
    As they sit sipping soup
    Which is probably well-laced with doppen

    You can hear it from Springs to Thokoza
    And, yes, it’s our great Shoshaloza
    Once an old mining song
    Now our best sing-along
    And you’ll find it @ something dot coza.

    Her friends, looking on, wondered wherethu
    As she Googled where many don’t darethu.
    Then with boredom they said
    We wish her mouse dead
    But if she really must Gugul.....lethu.

    A towering young mother, Theresa
    Leaned over to live in Tembisa
    She was good but not holy
    And a tad roly poly
    But still quite a cute little Pisa.

    In the newly-named Ekurhuleni
    Lived a lady with a great many meni
    She had to you see
    Cos her big familee
    Cost her much more than many a peni.

    A school known as Ngfungfunyani
    Is so hard to pronounce it’s not ngfani
    Ngf….… I give up
    I’ll need a tin cup
    Cos I’d much rather sing for my ngmani.

    Unlike the great River Pluit
    Is terribly dry
    ‘neath our African sky
    And seldom, if ever, in spuit.

    If you were a dude in Sebenza
    And not just an ordinary menza
    You’d wear leather shoes
    Take an afternoon snooze
    Then go for a spin in your Benza.

    There is a young man from Dube
    Whose name, as we know, is Ncube
    But to leave out the click
    Makes him mad as a tick
    Well I would be too, wouldn’t ube?

    There was a young man from Credi
    Who took many ladies to bedi
    But his trouble and strife
    With her bobbitting knife
    Sure made him the last of the Jedi.

    Are the streets lined with gold in eGoli?
    Betcha dollar they ain’t, holi-moli
    The poor are still with us
    We must make a fuss
    To try and establish e-doli.

    Blue-eyed and pale was our Anna
    From lah-di-dah Morningside Manor
    Got her face all beetrooty
    At a parlour of beauty
    And emerged as a spa mangled banner.

    He met her in quaint Quellerina
    And then she got ill – scarlatina
    So rosy and red
    But no good in bed
    He chucked ‘er but first – quarantina.

    A mawkish old gal from Dinwiddie
    Had neighbours who called her a biddie
    But one day he freak’d
    They said that her nose
    Could supplant a red rose
    To which she replied: What a piddie.

    A voice-cracking lad from Lanseria
    Croaked out in ribald hysteria:
    ‘As the new grass has riz
    That’s just how I iz
    An’ I’m all mithered up in mysteria.’

    We’re off to lovely Fontainbleau*
    Where haughty horsemen geau
    But eau what fun
    When a fall on the bum
    Restores the status queau.

    A family well-known are the Dooleys
    Who take all their pets to their hooleys
    They go to the Shows
    Where the best doggie goes
    To be seen every year at Gilooly’s

    If beer be a-brewin’ in breweries
    An’ yews be a-growin’ in yeweries
    Then could litres o’ Guinness
    Restin’ sweetly withiness
    Grow lions from kittens in meweries?

    Said Paddy to Santa: ‘It’s very clear
    You went and got tiddly in Farrarmere.’
    ‘Ah dirrent, ’ said Santa
    ‘Ah only drunk Fanta
    Or maybe Ah only jus’ harrabeer.’

    Said my Gran who was born in Limerick
    ‘If ye have to be writin’ then givitstick
    But know that in Kerry
    Or Gauteng so merry
    Let the last line be writ by a proper …..’

    The World Cup is coming, hooray
    Supporters will help win the day
    Cos the Makgalomelas
    With their bright vuvuzelas
    Will blow all opponents away.

    Max the gorilla’s at rest
    Our hero, once one of the best
    Johannesburg Zoo
    Knew just what to do
    To honour his ‘Citizen’s Arrest’

    The Lyceé Francaise Jules Verne
    Is a place where le monde go to lerne
    They say parlez-vous
    And how-do-you-dous
    Then back to their suburbs adjerne.

    C’est ça! read more »

  • 338.
    Molasses Hair

    There was once a girl with glasses
    In her hair she had some molasses
    She sat on a pot
    And gave her hair some thought read more »

  • 339.
    To give a little

    Walked they did, through the heat; the stark
    Bare country they didn’t know.
    Pointed they did, hungry cold guns
    To faces they knew not. read more »

  • 340.
    In Pursuit of a Poetry Prize

    I’m constructing a poem in a strategic new way.
    So they won’t comprehend what I’m trying to say.
    For a poetry contest with a fabulous prize,
    I studied what seems to attract judges’ eyes. read more »

  • 341.
    Talents Abundant

    Words of wonder,
    story and rhyme.
    You weave them,
    design them, read more »

  • 342.
    Bellyflab and Whiskeydick

    Bellyflab and Whiskeydick
    staring at each other,
    working on a Lim-e-rick
    Whiskeydick said: 'Brother, read more »

  • 343.
    Autobiograpical Poem

    I am a simple poem,
    It's plain for all to see.
    No haiku, limerick or sonnet,
    Just simple rhyme for me. read more »

  • 344.
    A Threesome

    It is nice to observe how two cranky old foes
    join together to write a collage,
    then decide whether rhyme or that modern day prose
    may I mention the French word menage? read more »

  • 345.
    A Limerick or Three

    There was a young woman from Bude
    Went for a swim in the nude
    Along came a shark
    Out for a lark read more »

  • 346.
    Limerick #2

    There once was a child named Jess,
    Who wore such a pretty green dress.
    But when she matured,
    Certain things poured, read more »

  • 347.
    A limerick for Miss Dickinson

    There was once was a poet named Emily,
    A word-loving girl full of excellency,
    She wrote and she wrote,
    Shy - reclusive - remote, read more »

  • 348.
    Everyone Loves a Limerick

    There was a hot lady from Humber.
    Who taught her sugar daddy how to rumba!
    As he moved his hips
    he no doubt had his chips read more »

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  19. Limerick Day, Jim Yerman
  20. The Flu, cheryl davis miller
  21. An Attempt, Somanathan Iyer
  22. A Caffeinated Life, Udiah (witness to Yah)
  23. Boob Box Baby, Udiah (witness to Yah)
  24. in honor of the city of limerick, michael montgomery
  25. Poems, Azeem AbdulRahim
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  28. Blondie Sings Atomic Cultural Icon Symph.., Terence George Craddock (Spe ..
  29. Three Limericks, Part 1, Comfort Ndlovu
  30. A Working Man's Blues, Joseph Anderson
  31. MAp'H'12, O. C. Woods
  32. Limerick - ' Fly', Godfrey Morris
  33. Clerihews, William F Dougherty
  34. Alankar (Decor) -16, Indira Renganathan
  35. Debauched Medicament, SHAMSUD AHMED
  36. Alankar (Decor) - 15, Indira Renganathan
  37. Un...contest...ed it I on Limerick, Jonathan ROBIN
  38. What Are All These, Janine Alyssa Navarro
  39. Deep Within, Rohit John
  40. Chick in a Limerick, M.J. McGuire
  41. A TRIP TO THE ZOO!, Robert Edgar Burns
  42. All limerick of the end, Aidin Azarkerdar
  43. Poem, Marvin Brato Sr
  44. A Hopping Soul, Walterrean Salley
  45. There Was a Little Boy, Walterrean Salley
  46. A Mosquito, Walterrean Salley
  47. A Sleepy Head, Walterrean Salley
  48. Poetry is, Biff McGuire
  49. Limerick, Dillon Crawford
  50. The Limerick Packs Laughs Anatomical, Roger Gordon
  51. The Limerick, Dashing Off Doggerel, Roger Gordon
  52. My friend Sweeney, Martin Lochner
  53. Glacier Poem #4, Chubchub Penguin
  54. The Girl who never said Yes, Joyce Hemsley
  55. Just a Girl in a Queue, Joyce Hemsley
  56. Pair of Limericks, Joyce Hemsley
  57. A Limerick, Steven B Taylor
  58. Limerick, Andy Xie
  59. font color=darkvioletKitten (school assi.., Jane Meyer
  60. font color=darkvioletLimerick *, Jane Meyer
  61. If I were..., Albert Ahearn
  62. Molasses Hair, Candace Johnson
  63. The Limerick, Joyce Hemsley
  64. font color='brown'bThoughts in between...., Mahfooz Ali
  65. On Being Told That There Is No Rhyme For.., C Richard Miles
  66. (Stuff and Nonsense) Limericks Schlime.., Janice Windle
  67. Limerick: Trying A Limerick, AtreyaSarma Uppaluri
  68. I hang my head, Kev EmPea
  69. A Limerick, Mahfooz Ali
  70. Limerick: Forgetting Titles, Lorraine Margueritte Gasrel ..
  71. Most Useless Political Instrument, Margaret Alice
  72. Homily, Jessica Sanukab
  73. No Limerick?, Herbert Nehrlich
  74. Rhymes..., Adam Holmes
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