Narrative Poems - Poems For Narrative

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Quoth Dr Chesley - Poem by Justin Reamer

Buonjourno!
Welcome, persons of quality!
Next time we shall discuss the Avengers,
And the Daily Step is important; remember that.

Please point to your classmates' seats
To help them find it when when they come in late.
I know that I am not very subtle when I do it,
So I look like a complete idiot;
So, I am sure you are subtler than I am.

As Aquinas students, I am sure
You don't judge other people.
You've all been trained in this way
And so you're far superior due to
Your discipline, so it makes sense, right?
You aren't like the rest of the world.

Now please don't go walking out of class
Today and say, 'Dr Chesley said the British
Are God's chosen people.' I'm just telling you
What they thought, that's all.

That was brilliant!
Please tell your classmates that
We didn't conspire before class
To make you say such a thing.

You know, cats are interesting;
They are superior to people.

Poetry hasn't made it under
The umbrella quite well in
Academic writing workshops,
But you're all looking at me
As if I'm a plumber
Talking about poetry.
Well...talk to Dr Dail-Whiting about it,
For she surely knows.
I will admit I know nothing.

Poetry used to be read back in
The eighteenth century,
Printed in newspapers and such,
Making it very popular.
You don't see much poetry
Published today, now, do you?
For reasons I will not go into,
For I could go at it for hours,
Poetry isn't popular among today's readers
Because we can't find our own conclusions.
So, I guess it isn't published in
Newspapers anymore, right?

For you poets out there,
There is no market out
There for poetry anymore,
If you want a day job, anyway.
You need to have a day job
Because no one seems to want to read it.
The only market for it is greeting cards,
And that is some of the most
Godawful bullshit I have read in
My entire life.
Sometimes, I think those poetasters
Have nothing better to do than write
Complete crap for a living.
Damn the economical system!
Damn American society!
People are too cheap to write their
Own letters anymore, so the
Poetasters of the greeting card industry
Insult poets everywhere throughout the ages,
Bringing sacrilege to the name of poetry itself!

Do you have anything on your minds?
No takers? Wow, you're all
Looking at me as if you're
Trying to read my mind.
'Maybe if we try hard enough,
We can find the answers.'

I love the sound of my voice.
I love it so much that,
As you can see,
I love being the centre of attention,
So, I can talk all day and
Would never have a problem with
It at all, though you're all
Looking at me, telling me
You're tired of hearing my voice,
So I will give you a chance to speak.

Am I right? Aren't siblings just awful?
I grew up an only child, so I was fortunate.
But don't siblings just argue all the time?
I mean, come on. I'm glad I didn't have any,
Or I would have gone insane by the time
I turned eighteen or something!
Off to the mental ward for me!

I was never much of a sports person, Kelli,
So I completely understand your dilemma.
But both of my parents were bookworms,
Unlike your father, the basketball coach.
I can't really relate to you,
But I can imagine it must be difficult
To try to fit the role your father
Wants you to be, especially when
You don't fit the role at all.
I completely empathise.

Ask any one of my colleagues,
And they will tell you I love gossip.
I love gossip so much that
I share it with other people.
I mean, don't you love gossip?
I don't know about you,
But I love gossip,
Especially about people who
Have been dead for centuries.
It's fascinating.

My wife actually worries about you;
She believes that I talk you
All to the point of death.
So, every time I go home,
She asks me about your welfare,
For if I am unrestrained,
I shall surely kill all of you.
She is more mature than I am,
Even though there is a
Seven-year age difference between us.
I won't deny it.

I am taking an exercise class with my wife,
So it's been hard for me to keep
Up with their routines.
So, I've invented my own exercises
Such as the collapsing windmill
And the leg stumble.
I always fall over since
I am choreographically challenged.
I am not necessarily the class clown
So much as the most conspicuous.
Everyone looks at me and thinks,
'Oh, right. This guy is going to fall.'
And so they ignore every stumble I make.
I suck at exercise.

To think that people actually
Exercise for fun is frightening to me;
I can't exercise at all,
But to think someone can run for fun
Is mind-blowing as all hell.
What the hell is wrong with me?
I really don't know, but it's okay.

When I met my wife in grad school,
I made a reference to Samuel Johnson,
And she, incredibly clever, she is,
Insulted me in return,
And I was taken aback.
Holy hell, it was crazy.

This is what people with
Doctorate Degrees get each other
For Christmas: biographies.
Don't laugh at me.

Oh, was that a signal?
I didn't realise that.

Milton had women problems;
I had confidence issues.
After reading 'Paradise Lost'
For the first time at nine years of age,
I felt emasculated for eternity.

Let Fate sort out where we sit.
Anyone care to shuffle the deck?
Fate calls upon Shelby Denhof;
What do you say, Shelby?

Shelby, tell them we didn't meet
Beforehand and conspire to
Say that in class today.
Please tell them I'm not
A criminal mastermind.

It's okay;
You don't have to like it;
It's not Jane Austen.

'Pride and Prejudice' is the
Best novel written in the
English language!
It's filled with wit,
Satire, and all sorts of cleverness.

I consider myself the fuss budget,
So I will make the fuss budget appeal.

Let us thank our fellow author.
Now, let's go to Ryanne James.
Do you remember the part
Where you wet your pants?
It was like an explosion,
You bursting into a fountain of urine.
I just broke out laughing
Because I thought it was so hilarious.

As Aquinas students, I am
Sure you never trust anything
You read on the internet
Because, I am sure, you are
Smarter, kinder, and much more
Disciplined than the rest of the world.

Hooks are cheap, especially in book,
But they work!
I don't know about you,
But they work for me!
In 'Criminal Minds, ' when they
Show next week's episode,
A sneak peak, I always hope
It can be next week already
Because it takes so damn long
To get there in the first place.

Wait, what's in this novel, you ask?
Graphic scenes, you ask?
Yes, don't be afraid.
Sex is in these novels.
Consider your innocence,
Long since kept,
Officially destroyed starting
At this very moment onward.

When I was a kid,
When I read a biography,
I felt inferior to the man.
I was always imperfect, damn it!
Abe Lincoln was chopping lumber,
Ben Franklin was reading on his own,
And George Washington never lied,
For Heaven's sake!
How the hell do you compete with that?
I don't know, but they're freaking gods!

When I read a narrative,
I always want to fix things.
When I read Ryanne's piece,
I wanted to go in there and
Pick up the three-foot child,
Struggling with her bladder,
And save her from that tragedy.
A situation gone horribly wrong,
I wanted to go in and fix
It for her since I know it
Would be humiliating.
But, alas, things didn't
Work that way. Oh, well.

I'm obsessed with Henry Fielding,
But I see you don't want
To hear any more Fielding trivia,
Or you will put a gun to your head,
And pull the trigger, intending
To say, 'Kill me now.'

Wasn't that a great fun fact?
Okay, you're all looking at me
Like it wasn't that great.
It was lame, you say.
Okay, onto the novel!

Dry humour is the way I function,
So deal with it.

Sometimes, I don't think my students
Ever know I am making a joke;
Apparently I am too monotonous or something.
For when I make a joke,
No one ever laughs,
Rather confusion arises on their faces.
I guess I better stop trying to fulfil
My dream of being a stand-up comedian.
I would fail miserably at it.

He's the guy we named our cat after,
For crying out loud. Damn it!
He's important!

Any more comments?
If not, I'll gladly take over.
I love to speak, as you know.

If you have any steps for me,
I have steps to give back to you.
Every test is not a test, by the way;
It is a written celebration.
Why not celebrate as much as we can?

CourseConnect is clearly stupid.
It doesn't recognise you
As you log in,
So it asks you to log in again.
Upon further notice,
It fails to recognise you again.
In addition, it loses assignments
Like squirrel loses its nut.
I'm telling you, I might be one of
Those squirrels one day,
Going nuts over losing my nuts!
So, to put it simply, it is
The most incompetent thing
I've ever encountered.
Squeak.
Did I mention I got a concussion?
Squeak.
Never mind.
Squeak.

Fantasy does not fascinate me;
I don't know why, but it doesn't.
I never saw the purpose of 'Harry Potter.'
How could anyone get into it?

You think they're strange?
It was everyday life for them.
You just wait: someday,
When people look back on us,
They'll see just how strange you are!

Jane Austen is a genius;
You cannot argue with me.
I rest my case.

Horace Walpole was the
Great-great-grandfather to
Modern horror, so don't
Be surprised because horror
Was still in development.

Oh, well, thanks for taking away
Johnson's credit! I was going to
Show you the dictionary,
But I might as well take it away,
Since you don't appreciate it.

I am fascinated by the stupid
Things people do throughout history.
my wife asks me how I remember this stuff,
But I shrug and tell her
It fascinates me, anyway. Not much to it.

Who's a cat person?
I can tell you a cat story.

Well, good day to all of you.
May Fate guide you and
Give you good fortune as
You progress forward in your endeavours.


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