Remember Poems - Poems For Remember

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Chapter 1 The Beginning Of The End Of My Innocence (Baring My Heart, Mind, And Soul) - Poem by Mindy Brown

I never have felt happy it seems, but whoever told me you have to be happy to live?
No one told me that I have to be happy to be normal and sane; that is where my pain began.
I grew up in a series of painful environments and very few happy ones. I have seen both sides of the railroad tracks and never gave a thought as to what would happen to me in the future. I always seem to remember the bad and never the good. I just feel like the days, months, and finally years pass by me in a blur. And now I am always wondering about where I will live next. Will I be living in a shelter, in a car, or on the street? How is my mom going to pay this months bills? Are we going to be alright? Sad thoughts and worries are slamming themselves through my mind at a speed unknown to man and when I close my eyes I see all I ever did wrong and my heart breaks a little more with each blink I take. But that is another story for another page, I will begin from the beginning of when my life began and I lost my innocence. I remember my younger years barely. all I seem to remember is traveling from Florida to Oklahoma or vice versa, going to the beach, standing in a field in the country and feeling peaceful, my grandma slapping me when I cried, and the smoke from the pot my grandparents, my mom and their friends smoked. I can never find the words to explain myself so please bear with me as I uncover everything from my past, present, and forgotten memories. So that maybe one day I may feel peaceful once more. I always got straight A’s on my report card until I was in 8th grade and that’s only because that is when my life started to end and I started to unfreeze my heart and lower my brick walls once more. I was 13 when I lost my best friend I had known since child hood. All I remember is hearing her tell me in the bathroom that we couldn’t be friends anymore and feeling like my world had shattered to bits. I went off and started slamming my head against the wall screaming and crying and begging for god to kill me. Needless to say, I tried to kill myself that night, I took around one thousand milligrams of Tylenol and began my journey to hell. My mom saw me take them and when I wouldn’t spit them out she took me to the hospital. When we got there I heard the nurses clucking their tongues at me and giving me pitying looks. I had to drink three Styrofoam glasses of liquid charcoal and I ended up in the OYC (a nut house) . It was late at night and my mom just dropped me off there, signed me in and spilt like she didn’t care about me anymore. I was strip searched, washed, and given a bed to sleep in on the floor in the main room. The first few days I was stuck in the ward and couldn’t really do anything, so in other words I was bored out of my mind when I was finally able to be alone and sleep in a room, I found out I was to have a roommate. To this day I remember her and what she told me but I never remembered her name. well she would talk all night long about nonsense and little by little we told each other our life stories. I remember her telling me about how she is a rape baby and how every time her mom looks at her she cries. So basically most of the time she is ignored and forgotten. I remember hearing her voice break and hearing her cry in the darkness and asking her if she wanted a hug. I remember her because I wonder what ever happened to her, because she sounded so lost and sad. My days in the OYC were boring, painful, and irritating but everything was worth it because she was there to talk to at night and share every thought in our minds. Then one night she took it farther and started talking about boobs. That night I realized I like girls but I was afraid to tell my mom that so I hid it and tried to forget about it. But I couldn’t get the idea of a girl and me out of my head. When I got out of the OYC almost two weeks later, I found out that my family had moved while I was locked up and that now we were to live in the city. Once more I felt heartbroken and lost in a world so much bigger and important than me. I wanted to just lay down somewhere and cry until the stars fell from the skies, but I was too afraid to cry and let someone see me and hurt me like so many had done in the past. So I went crazy with drugs, sex, and trouble. I hid everything from my mother, my sister, and my family for a while. But it got to the point to where I was always putting myself into bad situations and around bad people. So I began hanging around my new “best” friends Suki and LeeLee, they showed me the darkness of this world, but I do not hate them for they showed me something all should see at one point in life. I learned from Suki that I was Bisexual and we did some stuff together. She taught me something that I believe and trust in myself and that is that bisexuality is a part of me that I can never lose. It seems to me that I have lost a lot and that with every new step I take I lose more. I used to be so happy, innocent, and bright. But now I just feel lost and I don’t know what to do or where to turn. I feel like my soul is breaking and I want to just break down to and cry. Love never is kind to those who need it the most, that is what I learned throughout all my years of hell. I just feel like screaming on the top of a skyscraper to God “It isn’t so easy to live God! Where were you when I needed you the most? Please tell me God, tell me where to turn! ”

(TO BE CONTINUED) ~sorry if it was confusing..writing stories arent my talent~

Comments about Chapter 1 The Beginning Of The End Of My Innocence (Baring My Heart, Mind, And Soul) by Mindy Brown

  • Rookie ~*~(\ /) ~*~Payyton: DrowningSorrow~*~(\ /) ~*~ (7/19/2008 10:41:00 PM)

    OMFG! ! ! ! ! ....I know saying sorry would be the wrong thing because I'm sure the last thing you want is pity and sympathy...but I just wanted to let you know that no matter what you do or where you go, living is the best thing for you.....not being burried six feet'll get through it......

    <3Payyton (Report) Reply

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Poems About Remember

  1. 451. Chapter 1 The Beginning Of The End Of M.. , Mindy Brown
  2. 452. Remember When , Heaven M Bonneau
  3. 453. All I Have Left , Hayley Gilmore
  4. 454. The Void , Melissa Brume
  5. 455. A Consolation , David Mitchell
  6. 456. I'Ll Remember , Toynia Edmond
  7. 457. In The Time Of My Dying , Jim French
  8. 458. My Halloween , susan brealey
  9. 459. I Remember , Andrea Sharpe
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