Quotations From FRAN LEBOWITZ

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• 1.

  Nothing succeeds like address.

  Fran Lebowitz (b. 1951), U.S. journalist. "The Nail Bank: Not Just Another Clip Joint," Metropolitan Life (1978).
• 2.

  To put it rather bluntly, I am not the type who wants to go back to the land; I am the type who wants to go back to the hotel.

  Fran Lebowitz (b. 1951), U.S. journalist. "Things," Social Studies (1981).
• 3.

  There is no such thing as inner peace. There is only nervousness or death. Any attempt to prove otherwise constitutes unacceptable behavior.

  Fran Lebowitz (b. 1951), U.S. journalist. "Manners," Metropolitan Life (1978).
  
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• 4.

  If you are of the opinion that the contemplation of suicide is sufficient evidence of a poetic nature, do not forget that actions speak louder than words.

  Fran Lebowitz (b. 1951), U.S. journalist. "Letters," Metropolitan Life (1978).
  
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• 5.

  There are two modes of transport in Los Angeles: car and ambulance. Visitors who wish to remain inconspicuous are advised to choose the latter

  Fran Lebowitz (b. 1951), U.S. journalist. "Lesson 1," Social Studies (1981).
  
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• 6.

  If you are truly serious abut preparing your child for the future, don't teach him to subtract—teach him to deduct.

  Fran Lebowitz (20th century), U.S. journalist and humorist. The Fran Lebowitz Reader, "Parental Guidance," (1994).
  
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• 7.

  Twenty-four-hour room service generally refers to the length of time that it takes for the club sandwich to arrive. This is indeed disheartening, particularly when you've ordered scrambled eggs.

  Fran Lebowitz (b. 1950), U.S. humorist. Social Studies, ch. 16 (1981).
  
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• 8.

  Never relinquish clothing to a hotel valet without first specifically telling him that you want it back.

  Fran Lebowitz (b. 1950), U.S. humorist. Social Studies, ch. 16 (1981).
• 9.

  Do not approach with anything even resembling assurance a restaurant that moves.

  Fran Lebowitz (b. 1950), U.S. humorist. Social Studies, ch. 16 (1981).
• 10.

  Calling a taxi in Texas is like calling a rabbi in Iraq.

  Fran Lebowitz (b. 1950), U.S. humorist. Social Studies, ch. 16 (1981).