Quotations From ROBERT BENCHLEY

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• 1.

  We are constantly being surprised that people did things well before we were born.

  Robert Benchley (1889-1945), U.S. writer, humorist. My Ten Years in a Quandary and How They Grew, "Isn't It Remarkable?" Harper & Brothers (1936).
  
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• 2.

  In preparing the soil for planting, you will need several tools. Dynamite would be a beautiful thing to use, but it would have a tendency to get the dirt into the front-hall and track up the stairs.

  Robert Benchley (1889-1945), U.S. writer, humorist. Of All Things! "Gardening Notes," Henry Holt (1921).
  
  Read more quotations about / on: beautiful
• 3.

  I am pretty sure that, if you will be quite honest, you will admit that a good rousing sneeze, one that tears open your collar and throws your hair into your eyes, is really one of life's sensational pleasures.

  Robert Benchley (1889-1945), U.S. writer, humorist. No Poems or Around the World Backwards and Sideways, "Hiccoughing Makes Us Fat," Harper & Brothers (1932).
  
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• 4.

  I once heard a woman laugh at that most tragic moment in all drama, the off-stage shot in "The Wild Duck," and I afterward had her killed, so there will be no more of that out of her.

  Robert Benchley (1889-1945), U.S. writer, humorist. No Poems or Around the World Backwards and Sideways, "Matinées—Wednesdays and Saturdays," Harper & Brothers (1932).
  
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• 5.

  We call ourselves a free nation, and yet we let ourselves be told what cabs we can and can't take by a man at a hotel door, simply because he has a drum major's uniform on.

  Robert Benchley (1889-1945), U.S. writer, humorist. No Poems or Around the World Backwards and Sideways, "Here You Are—Taxi," Harper & Brothers (1932).
• 6.

  What is to be done with people who can't read a Sunday paper without messing it all up?... Show me a Sunday paper which has been left in a condition fit only for kite flying, and I will show you an antisocial and dangerous character who has left it that way.

  Robert Benchley (1889-1945), U.S. writer, humorist. No Poems or Around the World Backwards and Sideways, "The Wreck of the Sunday Paper," Harper & Brothers (1932).
  
  Read more quotations about / on: sunday, people
• 7.

  The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him. That remark in itself wouldn't make any sense if quoted as it stands.

  Robert Benchley (1889-1945), U.S. writer, humorist. My Ten Years in a Quandary and How They Grew, "Quick Quotations," Harper & Brothers (1936).
• 8.

  The art of cursing people seems to have lost its tang since the old days when a good malediction took four deep breaths to deliver and sent the outfielders scurrying toward the fence to field.

  Robert Benchley (1889-1945), U.S. writer, humorist. My Ten Years in a Quandary and How They Grew, "The Curse Shortage," Harper & Brothers (1936).
  
  Read more quotations about / on: lost, people
• 9.

  A real hangover is nothing to try out family remedies on. The only cure for a real hangover is death.

  Robert Benchley (1889-1945), U.S. writer, humorist. My Ten Years in a Quandary and How They Grew, "Coffee Versus Gin," Harper & Brothers (1936).
  
  Read more quotations about / on: family, death
• 10.

  This was like stealing thunder from a child.

  Robert Benchley (1889-1945), U.S. writer, humorist. My Ten Years in a Quandary and How They Grew, "The Rope Trick Explained," Harper & Brothers (1936).
  
  Read more quotations about / on: child