Quotations From ROBERT BENCHLEY

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  • 11.
    I never liked bananas much anyway. Two-thirds of the way down even one banana I am willing to concede defeat smilingly and give the rest to the nearest monkey.
    Robert Benchley (1889-1945), U.S. writer, humorist. My Ten Years in a Quandary and How They Grew, "No More Bananas," Harper & Brothers (1936).
  • 12.
    In order to get to East Russet you take the Vermont Central as far as Twitchell's Falls and change there for Torpid River Junction, where a spur line takes you right into Gormley. At Gormley you are met by a buckboard which takes you back to Torpid River Junction again.
    Robert Benchley (1889-1945), U.S. writer, humorist. The Early Worm, "A Good Old-Fashioned Christmas," Henry Holt (1927).

    Read more quotations about / on: river, change
  • 13.
    There seems to be a common strain of miserliness in the American people when it comes to throwing away toothpaste tubes which have a little left in the bottom.
    Robert Benchley (1889-1945), U.S. writer, humorist. The Treasurer's Report and Other Aspects of Community Singing, "The Bathroom Revolution," Grosset & Dunlap (1930).

    Read more quotations about / on: people
  • 14.
    Just why I, out of 3,000,000 users of the Free Public Library in 1919 (2,573,591 of whom pencilled vitriolic comments in the margins of the books), should have been elected to do this work is still a great mystery to my family.
    Robert Benchley (1889-1945), U.S. writer, humorist. The New York World (newspaper) (February 9, 1920). The World and the 20's, p. 23, ed. James Boylan, Dial Press (1973). From his debut column as a New York World book reviewer.

    Read more quotations about / on: family, work
  • 15.
    Those great ideas which come to you in your sleep just before you awake in morning, those solutions to the world's problems which, in the light of day, turn out to be duds of the puniest order, couldn't they be put to some use, after all?
    Robert Benchley (1889-1945), U.S. writer, humorist. After 1903What? "Insomnia Cure," Harper & Brothers (1938).

    Read more quotations about / on: sleep, light, world
  • 16.
    It is one of the most discouraging experiences I have ever had, not forgetting the time when I winked at the Queen Mother in London once.
    Robert Benchley (1889-1945), U.S. writer, humorist. 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea or David Copperfield, "On the Air," Henry Holt (1928).

    Read more quotations about / on: london, mother, time
  • 17.
    Infants need the most sleep, and, what is more, get it. Stunning them with a soft, padded hammer is the best way to insure their getting it at the right times.
    Robert Benchley (1889-1945), U.S. writer, humorist. My Ten Years in a Quandary and How They Grew, "Do We Sleep Enough?" Harper & Brothers (1936).

    Read more quotations about / on: sleep
  • 18.
    At fifteen one is first beginning to realize that everything isn't money and power in this world, and is casting about for joys that do not turn to dross in one's hands.
    Robert Benchley (1889-1945), U.S. writer, humorist. Life magazine (November 27, 1924). Benchley at the Theater, "The Boy Who Grew Up," Ipswich Press (1985).

    Read more quotations about / on: money, power, world
  • 19.
    I have often wondered how they manage to get return envelopes which miss, by one-quarter of an inch, fitting the blank you are supposed to return. They say, "Please fill out and return the enclosed envelope," and the enclosed envelope is always one-quarter of an inch too small.
    Robert Benchley (1889-1945), U.S. writer, humorist. After 1903What? "Nature Lesson," Harper & Brothers (1938).

    Read more quotations about / on: miss
  • 20.
    Other men wear white suits in summer and it doesn't seem to bother them. But my white suit seems to be a little whiter than theirs. I think also that it may have something written on the back of it, although I can't find it when I take the suit off.
    Robert Benchley (1889-1945), U.S. writer, humorist. My Ten Years in a Quandary and How They Grew, "My White Suit," Harper & Brothers (1936).

    Read more quotations about / on: summer
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