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Quotations From ROBERT BENCHLEY

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  • 21.
    There is probably no more obnoxious class of citizen, taken end for end, than the returning vacationist.
    Robert Benchley (1889-1945), U.S. writer, humorist. Love Conquers All, "Welcome Home—and Shut Up!" Henry Holt (1922).
  • 22.
    After an author has been dead for some time, it becomes increasingly difficult for his publishers to get a new book out of him each year.
    Robert Benchley (1889-1945), U.S. writer, humorist. Love Conquers All, "The Brow-Elevation in Humor," Henry Holt (1922).

    Read more quotations about / on: time
  • 23.
    The naturalistic literature of this country has reached such a state that no family of characters is considered true to life which does not include at least two hypochondriacs, one sadist, and one old man who spills food down the front of his vest.
    Robert Benchley (1889-1945), U.S. writer, humorist. Love Conquers All, "Family Life in America," Henry Holt (1922).

    Read more quotations about / on: food, family, life
  • 24.
    There is a note in the front of the volume saying that no public reading ... may be given without first getting the author's permission. It ought to be made much more difficult to do than that.
    Robert Benchley (1889-1945), U.S. writer, humorist. Love Conquers All, "Rip Van Winkle," Henry Holt (1922). The conclusion of an unfavorable book review.
  • 25.
    Birds which are the same color as the foliage in which they nest are less likely to be disturbed by other birds who want to drop in and chat, and therefore last longer.
    Robert Benchley (1889-1945), U.S. writer, humorist. Chips Off the Old Benchley, "Future Man: Tree or Mammal?" Harper & Brothers (1949).

    Read more quotations about / on: color
  • 26.
    A man may take care of a furnace for twenty-five years and still forget to duck his head when he starts going down the cellar stairs.
    Robert Benchley (1889-1945), U.S. writer, humorist. Chips Off the Old Benchley, "Home Sweet Home," Harper & Brothers (1949).
  • 27.
    But compared with the task of selecting a piece of French pastry held by an impatient waiter a move in chess is like reaching for a salary check in its demand on the contemplative faculties.
    Robert Benchley (1889-1945), U.S. writer, humorist. Chips Off the Old Benchley, "Picking French Pastry; A Harder Game Than Chess," Harper & Brothers (1949).
  • 28.
    Mr. [John] Barrymore's smile was the smile of an actor who hates actors, and who knows that he is going to kill two or three before the play is over. I am not an actor-killer, but I like my Hamlets to dislike actors, if you know what I mean, and I think you don't.
    Robert Benchley (1889-1945), U.S. writer, humorist. The New Yorker (October 17, 1936). Benchley at the Theater, "Big Names," Ipswich Press (1985).

    Read more quotations about / on: smile
  • 29.
    You might think that after thousands of years of coming up too soon and getting frozen, the crocus family would have had a little sense knocked into it.
    Robert Benchley (1889-1945), U.S. writer, humorist. Chips Off the Old Benchley, "The Lure of the Rod," Harper & Brothers (1949).

    Read more quotations about / on: family
  • 30.
    I can get dressed earlier in the evening with every intention of going to a dance at midnight, but somehow after the theatre the thing to do seems to be either to go to bed or sit around somewhere. It doesn't seem possible that somewhere people can be expecting you at an hour like that.
    Robert Benchley (1889-1945), U.S. writer, humorist. The Treasurer's Report and Other Aspects of Community Singing, "One Minute Please," Grosset & Dunlap (1930).

    Read more quotations about / on: dance, people
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