Quotations From ROBERT BENCHLEY
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Next to a shot of some good, habit-forming narcotic, there is nothing like travelling alone as a "builder-upper."Robert Benchley (1889-1945), U.S. writer, humorist. Chips Off the Old Benchley, "He Travels Fastest," Harper & Brothers (1949).
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I once heard of a murderer who propped his two victims up against a chess board in sporting attitudes and was able to get as far as Seattle before his crime was discovered.Robert Benchley (1889-1945), U.S. writer, humorist. Love Conquers All, "How to Watch a Chess-Match," Henry Holt (1922).
The English language may hold a more disagreeable combination of words than "The doctor will see you now." I am willing to concede something to the phrase "Have you anything to say before the current is turned on?"Robert Benchley (1889-1945), U.S. writer, humorist. Love Conquers All, "The Tooth and the Whole Tooth," Henry Holt (1922).
"The worst reporter, even for his age, in New York," was the affectionate epithet applied to me.Robert Benchley (1889-1945), U.S. writer, humorist. My Ten Years in a Quandary and How They Grew, "My Untold Story," Harper & Brothers (1936).
Next to an old-fashioned church social, or possibly a monster bridge party, there is no buzz which can equal the sibilant buzz of a matinée.Robert Benchley (1889-1945), U.S. writer, humorist. No Poems or Around the World Backwards and Sideways, "MatinéesWednesdays and Saturdays," Harper & Brothers (1932).
A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.Robert Benchley (1889-1945), U.S. humorous writer. Quoted in Artemus Ward, His Book, introduction (1964 edition).
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Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing.Robert Benchley (1889-1945), U.S. humor writer. Quoted in The Algonquin Wits, ed. Robert E. Drennan (1968). Benchley's own method is also quoted in the book: "I do most of my work sitting down. That's where I shine."
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In a house where there are small children the bathroom soon takes on the appearance of the Old Curiosity Shop.Robert Benchley (1889-1945), U.S. writer, humorist. The Treasurer's Report and Other Aspects of Community Singing, "The Bathroom Revolution," Grosset & Dunlap (1930).
There seems to be no lengths to which humorless people will not go to analyze humor. It seems to worry them.Robert Benchley (1889-1945), U.S. writer, humorist. After 1903What? "What Does It Mean?" Harper & Brothers (1938).
The windows were then closed and the steam turned on. There was a sign up saying that no one could smoke, but you couldn't help it. You were lucky if you didn't burst into flames.Robert Benchley (1889-1945), U.S. writer, humorist. 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea or David Copperfield, "On the Air," Henry Holt (1928).
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