Randy Johnson Poems

(Dedicated to Jack Palance who died November 10,2006.)

You starred in Ripley's believe it or not and in plenty of movies too.
You gave a good performance in Batman until Jack Nicholson murdered you.
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They did something in the late eighties that was bad.
They stopped selling records and that made me mad.
I'm upset because I can no longer buy records in the stores.
They still make a few records but nothing like they did before.
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When you were a teenager, you and your friend killed a cat.
It was wrong of the two of you to do that.
You showed the dead cat to your sister.
She blessed out both of you because it pissed her.
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(Dedicated to Gerald Ford who died December 26,2006.)

In 1974 you became the 38th President of the United States.
You were President for only a short time but you were great.
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(This is a fictional poem)

After I got married, I learned that my wife believes it's wrong to drink.
She poured my beers down the drain and that really stinks.
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Today 2006 ends.
Tomorrow 2007 begins.
Some good things happened in 2006 and some things that were bad.
Some things made us happy, some things made us sad.
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(This is a fictional poem but this really does happen to people.)

I met your son today and I noticed that he has bruises on his skin.
You've been beating on him but you won't do it again.
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(This is a fictional poem)

I regretted trying to pick up a woman who was drinking coffee.
I used a line on her and she threw it at me.
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(This is a fictional poem)

When I started losing my hair, my wife was appalled.
She walked out the door just because I'm going bald.
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(This is a fictional poem)

I had the special at a diner here in Tennessee.
When I learned what I was eating, I tossed my cookies.
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