Randy Johnson Poems

(THIS IS A FICTIONAL POEM)

My wife has slept with every man on the planet; she's a slut.
The only way to stop her is to sew her v##### shut.
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I told women that I loved them to get them into bed.
I promised them marriage but I dumped them instead.
I was the world's biggest player and that was a fact.
But when I dumped one woman, I came to regret how she would react.
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(This fictional poem is based on the cartoon character.)

I called the police and reported a rape and they rushed to where I live at.
But they beat me with their sticks when I told them that the victim was a cat.
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The thunder roars and the lightning strikes.
The rain is pouring late at night.
Some people hate thunderstorms.
But I've enjoyed them since the day I was born.
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(This is a fictional poem)

When it comes to my parents, I'm still angry and bitter.
I'm a thirty-six year old man and they still hire babysitters.
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(This is a fictional poem)

I was rushed to the emergency room when I had a bad fall.
The doctors checked time after time but they couldn't find a pulse at all.
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(This is a fictional poem)

Life is so hard because I'm short and ugly too.
I have big pimples and I smell worse than the animals at the zoo.
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He tried to get her a green card but he failed.
He married her so she could stay in America and now he's in jail.
He did what he did because her uncle gave him five grand.
That amount of cash was something that he could not withstand.
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God always opens a window when he shuts a door.
He will take care of you like the times he did before.
You lost your job but God will see to it that another one comes along.
Have faith in the Lord and he'll never steer you wrong.
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