Ryann Blair

I guess to some extent you get used to being alone.
Eventually you just stop expecting the phone to ever ring and
Spending your nights alone at home doesn’t bother you.
You don’t expect nor seek out conversation or company.
...

You don’t know how I’m feeling. I have yet to vocalize. You’re the desire burning deep inside me. Can you see it in my eyes?
I tremble when I’m near you. Heat travels up my thighs. And I want you with an urgency that I just cannot describe.
Dare I reach out to touch you? Do you think you’d realize? How much I want & need you? Or can you see it in my eyes? ?
I long to say I love you. But I’m too petrified of your reply. Terrified like a child, I’ve become paralyzed.
...

I’ll be called the girl that no one ever noticed. I’ll be thought of as that lady no one ever truly cared for. I’ll be referred to as that woman everyone disregarded. The one on no one ever gave a damn about….
...

When I’m gone will you remember me?
All the things I “used” to be?
So happy and caring,
Adventurous and daring.
...

My mind is boggled, suffocating in confusion.
Entangled, un-dissectible always searching for conclusion.
My nerves expand with apprehension, my heart pulsating
and racing.
...

Your lips speak soft sweetness, your touch a cool caresses.
I’m lost within your magic, as my heart beats within your chest.
I think of you each morning, anticipate my dreams to come every night.
I fantasize of your arms so inviting, and this lust inside me that you ignite.
...

I awake and my heart starts to pounds with fear
I scramble for comfort and fight back each tear
These clouded thoughts that wake me from my dreams
This haunting painful memory that comes with silent screams
...

If you stared deep into my big endless eyes you would see my story.
See the hurt.
See all the stains from my tears.
See through the silence of my painful cries.
...

The memories of you begin to start taunting.
And I realize from here on,
My heart you will be haunting.
You told me you’d NEVER hurt me,
...

As days proceed…
I begin to see,
Exactly what you mean to me.
So now it’s time to let you know,
...

I have so much love to share.
But to show my emotions well, I don’t dare.
My fear of being open, what could it be?
If I tell, what will you think of me?
...

I’m so alone and chaos baffles me beyond comprehension.
This constant loneliness, is it me? Am I heartless and cold?
Or is from this callous world consisting of hate and cruelty?
Resulting in barriers of protection causing feelings of isolation and abandonment.
...

My world is crumbling all around me
What I wanted….. I can no longer see
Destined to low, in a rut like this
No more smiles, no happiness, no bliss
...

I was still standing there.
After you stole my heart, and no sooner broke it apart.
After you treated me so badly. Discarded, all alone weeping so sadly.
I was still standing there.
...

I love you so deeply, I love so much.
I love the sound of your voice, to the feel of your touch.
I love your warm smile, your kind thoughtful way;
I love the bliss that you bring to my life every day.
...

Over and over I tried. And over and over you just lied. Over and over desperately, I would scream as I’d cry. I would wonder and wonder how and why. Could you over and over look me dead in the eye? And word after word tell me hurtful lie after lie.
Over and over I would try and I try. And over and over you continued to tell story after story, lie after lie. I gave you chance after chance and try after try. In return I got excuse after excuse, justifications of why.
...

I think of death every night.
To me, death is a fright.
Sometimes at the thought I want to cry.
Yet, in the heat of the moment out of anger I’ll say I want to die.
...