Walking Backwards Poem by Raj Thampi

Walking backwards
I am set on a journey
I am in search of a lost soul,
I walk on the pathways
And through doors

I walk through the tombs
Where my children are buried
I am walking backwards
Throughout the nights
Watching you,
Making love to your secret love

Turning my face away from you,
I can see your tears fake
Drawn on your eyes
I can see the stains on my,
Velvet bed sheets…

Walking one more step backwards
I am coming to a halt for a moment
I can see the broken tile,
Against which you broke your nail
I can see the frozen lake,
By the side where
You stood like a beautiful statue,
While it was raining

One more step I saw you sitting
Waiting for me carrying an excitement
Melt deep within you
One more step backwards
I am at the same ferry
Where we met for the first time

And taking one more step backwards,
Now I am walking, through-
The paddy fields and coco…
Walking never stopping I am reaching,
The same courtyard of my old home
Now my legs are shivering,
I can’t climb up those steps,
My legs carry the weight of my sins…
I need a moment’s rest…
Before I can make my last step,
Inside into my mother’s womb…
Yes cuddling against the placenta
All I wish I will never have another birth