Stephen Denny Paul White

Stephen Denny Paul White Poems

Stephen Denny Paul White Biography

My life is a search. I am not searching for things, I am searching for people. I look for the people who won't let me down, for the people who I can count on no matter what. Do I seek romance? No. I seek love. I seek something more than friendship; I seek dedication. Want to know what's weird? ... besides me, of course. To me, friendship is the most important thing on this earth. I try to put my all into friendships, and I care about the people who do the same in return. I want to journey around the world... figure out who I am, what I am, where I belong. I haven't quite found the right place yet, being stuck here, but I am still searching. Life is a journey, and I am ready to go... not that you care =] So anyway, I am Stephen White. I am a senior at Coyle & Cassidy High School... I can be annoying, or cool, depending on your preferences, but it's all up to you whether or not you hate me or like me. I'll try to change your mind a bit, but if you prove to be immobile in your opinion, I will accept it and move on. I am single and gay. I'm not looking for love at all, and I would rather it come to me, however unlikely and stubborn that seems. I don't know what I want to be anymore. A masseuse. A poet. An author. A teacher. I'm kinda dry in the career area. I am a poet, though. I have a different perspective on the way the world works, and that perspective can be sometimes gruesome and at other times happy. You never know what mood I'll be in, unless you are psychic. I don't really know what else to say about me. I am me, and me is not something that I can look in a thesaurus for words to describe. Generally, I expect a lot out of my friends. Being a friend to me is complicated... I expect things, and feel let down if I don't get what I expected, kinda like if you order a brand new book online, and you get it and it's all tattered. I don't want friendship if it's not going anywhere. If you don't see me in your future, don't include me in your present. Another generalization is that I can't stand when people expect me to keep a conversation going. I don't always want to be the one to initiate conversation, and I don't want to have to be the one to keep the conversation going. That shouldn't always be my job. And finally, I don't like being let down. Actually I hate it, and I just don't stand for being let down. Letting down is not something you do to someone you care about, and if you truly care about me, you won't let me down; if you let me down, obviously I must not be that important. First chances are like water in the desert; it evaporates, and there's rarely enough left for a second chance...)

The Best Poem Of Stephen Denny Paul White

Elegy For Loss Of Love (A Poem In Five Parts)

I: Loss

It’s been three years that we’ve gone out
And now you chose to let me go
You crushed my dreams, you burnt my soul
—A picture that’s been torn apart

Your smile haunts my memories
The words you spoke still lingering
Among the crystal mist I breathe
—I wish that you were here with me

And love will never be the same
If you’re not here to hold my hand
I’ve tried so hard to let you go
—I’m sure you’re never gonna know

And for so long I know I’ll mourn
Because of love that lives no more
You ripped my heart with shards of glass
And all the blood gushes out fast

Our love was once a rainbow
But now it is a raging storm
And blue had made me think of peace
—but now, it makes me mourn

The waters upon which we laid
Were troubled by the raging waves
The lifeboat just had room for one
And so you’ve thrown me overboard

And now you have become old news
And somehow, still, I’m feeling blue
The night has set upon our love
I should’ve known what was to come

Routine is now routine no more
The days drag on. Condition: poor
My heart still beats, but without you
It’s empty—I drank all of you

I wish I didn’t waste my time
With what would never end up mine
Why fate has slapped me in the face
—by taking all my joy away?

II: Grieving

Tears fall slowly to the ground
The dripping melancholy sound
An empty room, a broken heart
The pieces scattered in the dark

I lay upon this empty bed
The lust once strong was struck down dead
The hope that once made me believe
You’d never leave a girl like me
—gone…

So many ways I could repress
So many ways to harm myself
Somehow, the pain makes me feel good
—it makes me think it hurts you too

But I know you don’t feel a thing
You don’t care that I am hurting
You have moved on, forgot three years
While I still wish that you were here

The brightest mornings, now so dark
—The empty echoes of my heart—
The eyes that hold such loss, despair
The pain in knowing you don’t care

The hottest showers give off no warmth
The couch does not give me comfort
The foods I eat— they’re bittersweet
Since you’re not sharing them with me

The pain courses through bloody veins
My cheeks cannot tell tears from rain
My dreams are merely memories
That now resemble fantasies

It seems I’ll never let you go
Each time I try, the pain just grows
I delve into my misery
—the future agonizing me

I’d give it all for one more kiss
Or that we’d never even met
—if only I could change the past
But in stone it’s forever set

I know that it has been too long
—I couldn’t help but keep holding on
When I was tossed, I grabbed the side
Holding on to save my life

IiI: Seasons

Season by season, day by day
I hold onto each memory
—The snow that melts, the clouds that fade,
The love that had to separate—

In winter— frozen
In spring, it thaws
But now it blends into a song
Instead of joy, it raises strife
The season’s now cause death, not life
The emptiness of nature, too
Means it too mourns, it is the proof

And once you chose to carry me
And now I walk alone.
And once you’d promised everything
The power you don’t own.

And as each movement freezes
It’s glacial doom it can’t avoid
I’ll find the strength that’s needed
To free me from this dreary void

Iv: Letting Go

As far as my brain understands
A life hangs between won’t and can’t
It’s balanced by the paths we choose
A delicate process we all must go through

To suffer merely is to live
No soul on earth is near perfect
Not every path we take is right
It’s just a given in this life
And if we have the need for joy
We must know what we’re striving for
We need the pain to know it’s bad
So we know joy is opposite that

Fate gave you to me
Taking you back at the end of three years
It seems so unfair in the state we exist
But what joy would life have if it lacked any twists
There’s always the bright side
—of which we never seem to see
We only see the bad side
Drifting far from near happy

We’re blind to the things that could brighten our soul
For we fear losing meaning to our current joy
And we turn our left cheek for a slap on the right
But the ending’s the same, for we’re all gonna die

If you’re going nowhere, then you’re standing in place
—the least you could do is attempt this one race
You’ll never succeed if you don’t let him go
You will not prove him wrong if you can’t stand alone

This man was no crutch, he was merely a wall
You lived without him once, there’s no difference at all

And pain and regrets
They just anchor you down
And it’s over— he didn’t catch you
Surely, he won’t pick you up off the ground
And you have to walk on
—walk on all on your own
For you’ll die in the ocean
If you have no lifeboat

But at the site of disaster
Help always is found
Oh! And soon, they will find you
It shouldn’t be long

And there’s more than one lifeboat
There’s five… ten… fifteen!
There’s plenty of room
And that’ll hear if you scream

V: Hope Floats

There’s hope found in the lifeboat
It isn’t the end
You get up and move on
—this life is precious, don’t waste a moment
You must take full control
Row the boat, with your oars
You’ve cried—already—a sea
There’s no need to cry more

Hope floats in the ocean
So get on the lifeboat
And now on your own
You can make your own path
And you won’t let him back
The memories you’ve purged are gone
The love you held is forever gone
But you are strong, you will survive…
Let go of him …—…—…—… Hope is alive.

Stephen Denny Paul White Comments