Steve Ricketts

How long do I keep on grieving for I haven't
got a clue. Is there a special time that draws
it to a close. Is there a time to stop this hurting,
for they say my pain will ease, in time I'll start my
...

And so the night has come once more, with all that I am hopping for, to find my sleep and then to dream, along with hope to see you again. Although I know that I must wake. I truly ask my soul to take, for when I wake from sleep once more, it's then my pain begins again. If I could sleep for evermore and in my sleep be with you once more. No pain would be my company, my soul would fly and we'd be free.

Must I bare this pain so deep, when all I want is eternal sleep. To sleep and only dream of you, is all I ever want to do. Is this so wrong for me to say, that I should wish my pain away. So hard to live this life of mine, while feeling lost all the time. For I'm but a shadow of the man I use to be, It's all that's left for all to see, everything else has been torn from me.
...

Is it just that love we miss, or the fact that your no longer here. That silent space that you once owned, is still the same now on it's own, easy comfort grew through the years. Is not the same without you here. Papers read like before, with out your comments on all you saw. Tea now brewed in it's pot, maybe just one thing forgot, fine china now put away, pour it in one mug today.

Lunch time's here again, fresh bread awaits that kitchen knife, door step start to arrive, a few to many for my eyes. Will I ever realise, this how it use to be. Time to turn that t.v on, channel hopping once again, nothing feels quite the same, lets leave it on all the same, it's nice to hear a voice again, the sound can drowned this silence out.
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I sit here and wonder, if your missing me, if your feeling lonely or feeling blue like me. Do you miss my arms around you, that cuddle in the night, the long chats every evening and that kiss to say goodnight.
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When your tears feel like falling, don't hold them back for me, it will never hurt to let your tears break free, all that I can tell you, is your tears do need to fall, all their really doing is cleansing your poor soul.

We only cry when needed, why else would it be. It shows how much we love them, it's how it's meant to be. It such a shock to lose them, and more than we can bare. For we just want the world to know, it would be so much better, if they could still be here.
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Days pass into weeks, I know you can not see, time stands still for you, now you rest in peace, I'll still carry on and face the world alone, pretending that your still waiting for me to come on home, but when I turn that key, it's then I know you're gone.

I need your here right now, to take this pain from me, to hold me for a while, is all I ever dream, I need to feel your warmth, to know your missing me, for you are the only one, who fulfilled my every need. I sit and try to find, the reason, why I still survive.
...

My winter has arrived, only darkness do I see. I try to recall your voice, it would be a light for me. My summer's are no more and my spring will not be seen. I'll never have my sunshine now your not with me.

I try to turn a corner, to find a ray of light. But I only find the darkness, this nightmare that keeps me from the light. I stumbled in the darkness, my mind struggles to be free. This dark depressing feeling, just won't let me be.
...

A stranger came calling the other day, he stood in the doorway and argued with me. Death was his name or so he did say, so I stopped him from coming right in, but as we argued, a trick he did play, although I was trying with all my might, to stop this intruder from leaving my sight, for when I did turned, all I that could see, was this shadowy figure, saying come, come with me.

Struggle to hold him I did try, all of my efforts were proved in vain, from stopping him taking my Love one away and then he did tell me something of a surprise, as he sat down beside me and looked in my eyes, he said no do not worry for this is no end, all I am doing is being a good friend. Just look at this Women who once stood so proud, can you not see all the trouble she is in, surely for goodness, am I not being kind, how could she not want all this misery to end, I bring an end to all the pain that she seen, so surly it is best now if she come with me.
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The sun will rise, the sun will set, the world will turn, but I'll not forget. The summer sun will fade away, as autumns leaves fall from the trees, the frost will come but it won't last, when spring returns to warm the earth, before we know a year has passed. But my heart will still hurt for you.

The day will dawn, the night will fall, while the earth rotates in full, but I will still think of you. The summer days stretch ahead, short nights to rest my head, then a chill arrives upon the ground, as winter moves it's frozen hand, while the waiting flower buds, welcome in the start of spring, yet now, another year has been. But I will still grieve for you.
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Time moves on I suppose it must. Memories placed away to gather dust. But a life must mean more than this. A well placed stone stuck in the mud, marking out a life that's been. Empty words so often seen, pointing out that hallowed ground. Where once a life, a love was found, now no more than a fleeting care. Picked up by strangers standing there, wondering who they really were. Did they love and who did care. Frantic searches all around but still no sign of loved ones here. All those who did declared, gone from us but we still care, in our heart your still there. Yet still the weeds gather round this long forgotten piece of ground.

Empty words on printed cards, left for all the world to see. Duties done they rest assured. Hardy plants left in their pots, given time there'll be forgot. Minds convinced the right thing done, conscience clear, no guilt found here. Years will pass and mind will turn, back to the things said not done. Bones grow weak, although mind still strong, remembering promises left undone. Time will toll and wait it's turn, history repeats and now thoughts turn, to that little piece of earth.
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Every day seem's different from the one before, it's not the days I'm dreading, but the night that goes before. Each time the night begins it's covering of the sky. I find myself asking for the reason why. Why did you have to leave me, why did we have to part, I need that very reason to satisfy my heart. It is my heart that's broken, and deserve to know the truth, it is that every reason why this hurt won't leave my heart alone.

When the night has fallen and I wait for sleep to come, knowing that my sleep, keeps on avoiding me and so I must keep on chasing this elusive sleep of mine, all while I am trying to get you from my mind, but your forever with me and also close to me, always and forever is what you are to me, often do I wonder if all the things I do. Is it, just to help me keep holding on to you?
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They say the heart's a muscle, the strongest that we have. So may I ask a question. How was it so easy for mine to break in two? They say that scares don't fade, there always on display, let me ask another. Did they not tell me, this pain would go away?

They tell me times a healer, that my pain can not be rushed, that soon I'll start my healing and this hurt won't be as much. How could they even think, that this would be my wish, for without this pain I'm feeling, it would be like I never knew my love.
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This gift of love that we all hold, is meant to last passed getting old. To stay with us for all our time, not just until they're gone from sight. Is it just familiar contempt, that makes us want to declare, this love for one no longer here. Easy word not hard to find. It's time that we can't seem to spare, a minute here a minute there, how they mount and steal away, all the things we did say, are's to do when they're no more. Promises made when hearts are torn, once their mended not so sure.

Promises made with good intent, when eyes were filled with salty tears. Eyes now dry no longer red, allows the mind to see more clear. Thoughts now turn to what they'd say, if we could see them on another day, times too short with non to spare. Perhaps we'll go when rain is though, better still when we see the sun. For we can spend more time with you, once all our work is through.
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Do you know that I love you, because I told you every day, for I would always tell you before I went away. But this time it was different, because I'm still sitting here and it's you my darling Linda that left and gone away from me. You went away in silence, not a word was said, you couldn't even wake, to tell me of the journey that lay ahead, it was all that you could muster to draw your last breath. So finally you left all your pain behind, now I'm sitting here holding onto mine.

I tried to find a new way to express to you, how I am feeling and the Love I have for you, no matter how I start, it still comes out the same, the love I have is forever as long as it's for you. My nights are cold and lonely, without you being here, never would I imagine this is how life would be. Never was a time where you weren't close to me, never did I think that I'd be losing you. How often did I say that I would go before you.
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How am I supposed to keep living, now there’s only me, didn’t we decide together that we would always be. How do I keep this façade, while I'm crying to myself? How can I expect others to know the pain in me. How do I walk through the door, knowing your not there. What’s the point in cooking, if there’s no one there to share? How do I live a normal life, when normal seems so strange, if this is what normal is, then I must be quite insane. How do I forgive friends that suddenly disappear, or all the others who said they’d hold me near?

How have I become, this stranger to them all, is it something I said, or is it nothing after all. I know that I’m different, but what else could I be, is it so surprising when I’m lost within my grief. For my world’s turned upside down and I can’t find my way, is it any wonder, because I’m lost without a trace. How can I give comfort, when it’s comfort that I need. How can I tell others, when I can hardly speak. How do I stop this crying, that never wants to cease. How do I hide my sorrow, when other bring me cheer, do I tell them they'er not needed, for I am doing fine, just to watch the relief, as it escapes from out their minds.
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I'm sitting at the table, it's just gone half past three, I've had to come back down, because I could not sleep. I think about you always, right through out the day, every single evening and at the break of everyday.

I can't help it, I just think of all you went through, there was so much you suffered, with all they did to you, they tried to do their best, I want you to know, that everything they did, they did it all for you.
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Whilst I sit and reflect upon, a life that was but now has gone. I sit and stare the whole day long, wondering where our love has gone. As I watch the breeze that blows, through the trees that you have grown. For when the wind moves through the leaves, it's like I hear you call to me. A voice with tones so soft and sweet, it moves me so, I start to weep. I miss your voice just calling me, for you were my all, my everything.

Where's left now for me go, I've lost my love that's all I know, for you are the very heart of me. I sit and want to talk to you and laugh just like we use to do, I fear those days are now all gone. No more, will I know the smell of you. I think that I would give my all, to see your face smile at me. I know that this can not be, so all I ask is just leave me be, so I can sleep for evermore and wait until I hear you call.
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My bright light went out before me, she left me in the dark. She said she’d never leave me, that we would never part. I know she had to go, I knew she couldn‘t stay, but she could have waited for a while, before she went her way. It could have been much longer, or even just a while, for just to see her smile once more, would have made it all worth while. I might have been contented, I’m not sure if that is true. Am I being selfish, or is this what Love will do? It might be that I’m just a man, but never would I thought, that this dear life before me, would be so cruelly short.

I know I must keep on grieving, I can’t say when this will end, it might be that I’m waiting, to meet my Love again. So if I should suddenly be taken, don’t pity me at all, just think that I’m sleeping, whilst waiting to be called. To find my Love before me, hands cupped about my face. It's then we’ll cry together, for the new joy that will bring, the happiness that escaped us, when her dear life did end.
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I look all around me and all I see is you, I often think about you in everything I do, for it was your foresight that help me every day, it was only because of you that I survive each and every day. I walk around our home and see all your dreams archived.

How we work together to build our happy home, now that you've archived it, you've left me all alone. No more is this, the place that it was before, now it's just a building, a home to me no more. I know all the memories held here, are our's and our's alone, but now your no longer with me, I can't share them on my own and who would really want them apart from you and me.
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