Unknown Ever

I'm not a risk taker. I'm the one who stands in the background encouraging others to shine and giving them love leaving none for myself without them knowing it.
...

As he lay their I remember all the times we had together and then all of a sudden it was 'Please don't cry when I'm gone.' I thought I could stay strong so I hid my tears until finally the sadness sword had cut through my sheild and I could stay strong no longer.

I realized that he'd no longer their to make anyone and everyone feel special or show love.
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Another lost friend, another memory spent trying to forget. Rather it be I unknowing to myself or them not seeing the same they leave me and then wonder why I do the things I do to try to heal.

In the time it takes me to make a friend, learn their customs and abilities as well as their disabilities, they have found someone who has fooled them enough to think that they can give more than I.
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You're silence means nothing because I see the pain in your worn out eyes.

You've been crying again.
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It wasn't always this way, the way of sadness and aloneness. I used to be happy and comfortable with everything about myself. It turns out once you get older you lose yourself to the point where you forgot the warmth of comfort or the joy and happiness that used to come naturally.
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I gave you my trust in your hands the day we became friends and you blindfolded it so that I couldn't possibly know what you were doing until it was too late. I spilled my soul to you and the one time I leave a minor detail to save the friendship of us it consumes you and you look for answers of the detail that in the end broke us. Instad of apologizing and giving me time to think you badger and badger and say I'm over reacting and that I'm the one on trial for wrong duing but in the end I sentenced you and made you give me my trust back.
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My soul is is full of demons wondering about. My soul is full of demons that want to get out.
My soul is pure evil I don't have a heart. My soul is pure evil the devil tore it out.
My soul is so scary I won't tell you about. My soul is so scary I don't have a dought.
My soul is cursed for many years. My soul is cursed my mother's in tears.t.
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Thank you for loving me when I thought love was a four letter made up word for people who like to lie to themselves or people who thought it was real.

Thank you for lying by saying your name was everyone when I said no one cared about me.

Thank you for being there through every fight in my mind that you ended through a heart democracy.
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You know you would
But never you could
If you ever got the chance
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As I lay in my room with you thinking I'm dreaming of the day gone, I hear you cutting into oneanother with words, screams, shouts, and insults. You both smoke because if you didn't let anger out on eachother or let it out in a cigarette you'd probably explode or going into a tear soked, pain induced, hatred caused, depression.

When I finally do sleep and you have run out of razors I dream of a world where war was a nightmare of politicans and never existed. This world is where a smile meant some thing and the only four letter words were hope, love, care, and glad. Sad and hurt were feeling you got only when you fell but you went home to your mother and father and everything became alright. The only tears shed were tears of joy.
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Death is good for saints and lovers. Death is bad for some others.
Some say death's the beginning. Some say it's the end. I will let you depend.
Some say they've been to heaven and back. Some say to hell. As for me I may never tell.
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I count the hours of the day wisfing I was done. Not just with the counting but with my hopes and aspiration

My life is like a ruler I want to break in half. End it before the true pain begins.
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Inhale
Feel the oxygen pass your lungs and capture the demons by the heart.
Now exhale
Let the air flowing out of you take the wretched feelings with it.
...