Biography of VICTORIA GEORGE
Born in Hampstead, London. Married. No children, just pets. Love wildlife and writing poetry. I only started writing these poems a short while ago. I hope others think they're funny.
For info: Google have got it wrong. I am not a singer/songwriter/chanteuse. Google have confused me with the other Victoria George (the singer)
VICTORIA GEORGE Poems
A Chocolate Teapot
I wanted a chocolate tea-pot As a gift for a good friend’s birth-day But I did feel a bit of a clot Searching for this on e-Bay
I Must Stop Swearing
I wish I could stop swearing It really is a vice For people with good hearing It isn’t very nice
An English Country Garden (My Version)
I have adapted this classic song: How many kinds of sweet flowers grow In an English country garden?
Fiona The Rat
I had a tame rat named Fiona I bought her last year on e-Bay The ad said ‘one careful owner’ So I was happy to take her away.
Be Careful What You Buy
I’m now so careful what I buy From any gal or bloke For once bitten, now twice shy From pigs that are in a poke
Mother Nature And Father Time
Mother Nature and Father Time Are such a spiteful pair Together they commit bad crimes Of damage beyond repair
When evening turns to darkest night And stars are in the sky When the garden’s swathed in silver light That’s when my fox comes by
A New Diet
My once skinny hips - are now fat My pants are far too tight Now my stomach's not flat Getting into my clothes is a fight
Jampot And Honey
I used to race pigeons for money Two nice ones “Jampot” and “Honey” They couldn’t fly far So I took them by car
My Real E-Bay Name
My real name’s Hermione Twatt On my life it has put a real blot That’s why, I must say I came onto eBay
We’ve all been given a name Which some of us really don’t like Our parents are so much to blame I think some of them do it for spite
My New Caravan
I bought a nice car-a-van From a seller who was on e-Bay He seemed a very nice man So I was happy to take it away
Buying On Ebay
I bid on a beautiful ring With a very hefty price tag But got outbid on this thing So I bid on a Prada hand-bag
Housework’s such a waste of time Cleaning all that filth and grime You scrape and wipe the filthy glass You shine and polish all the brass
The Homing Parrot
It is now, with certain regret
That from eBay I bought a new pet
And, so I bought - a parrot that talked
Cost fifty quid - what the heck!
It was such a pretty blue bird
But it did sh*t a lot of green turd
It arrived in a crate, it just ate and it ate
But it never said one ruddy word.