Bert Kalmar


Bert Kalmar Quotes

  • ''I'll see you at the theater tonight. I'll hold your seat 'til you get there. After that you're on your own.''
    Bert Kalmar, U.S. screenwriter, Harry Ruby, Arthur Sheekman, and Leo McCarey. Rufus T. Firefly (Groucho Marx), Duck Soup, to his patron Mrs. Teasdale (Margaret Dumont) at a swanky outdoor party (1933).
    0 person liked.
    0 person did not like.
  • ''I've got a good mind to join a club and beat you over the head with it!''
    Bert Kalmar, U.S. screenwriter, Harry Ruby, Arthur Sheekman, and Leo McCarey. Rufus T. Firefly (Groucho Marx), Duck Soup, to Chicolini (Chico Marx) as he offers him a cabinet post (1933).
  • ''Don't look now but there's one man too many in this room and I think it's you!''
    Bert Kalmar, U.S. screenwriter, Harry Ruby, Arthur Sheekman, and Leo McCarey. Rufus T. Firefly (Groucho Marx), Duck Soup, to his nemesis, Ambassador Trentino of Sylvania (Louis Calhern) as he becomes president of the mythical country, Freedonia (1933).
  • ''Go! And never darken my towels again!''
    Bert Kalmar, U.S. screenwriter, Harry Ruby, Arthur Sheekman, and Leo McCarey. Rufus T. Firefly (Groucho Marx), Duck Soup, to his nemesis Ambassador Trentino of Sylvania (Louis Calhern) after Firefly (Groucho Marx) instigates war (1933).
  • ''Clear? Why a four-year-old child could understand this report! Run out and get me a four-year-old child. I can't make head or tail out of it.''
    Bert Kalmar, U.S. screenwriter, Harry Ruby, Arthur Sheekman, and Leo McCarey. Rufus T. Firefly (Groucho Marx), Duck Soup, to his aid, Bob Roland (Zeppo Marx), as he conducts a cabinet meeting (1933).
  • ''Ride like fury. If you run out of gas, get ethyl. If Ethyl runs out, get Mabel!''
    Bert Kalmar, U.S. screenwriter, Harry Ruby, Arthur Sheekman, and Leo McCarey. Rufus T. Firefly (Groucho Marx), Duck Soup, to his motorcycle chauffeur Pinky (Harpo Marx) as he rushes off to an appointment (1933).
  • ''Married! I can see you right now in the kitchen bending over a hot stove ... but I can't see the stove.''
    Bert Kalmar, U.S. screenwriter, Harry Ruby, Arthur Sheekman, and Leo McCarey. Rufus T. Firefly (Groucho Marx), Duck Soup, to his patron Mrs. Teasdale (Margaret Dumont) as he proposes marriage (1933).
  • ''You know you haven't stopped talking since I came here? You must have been vaccinated with a phonograph needle!''
    Bert Kalmar, U.S. screenwriter, Harry Ruby, Arthur Sheekman, and Leo McCarey. Rufus T. Firefly (Groucho Marx), Duck Soup, to his patron Mrs. Teasdale (Margaret Dumont) as he becomes president of the mythical country, Freedonia (1933).
  • ''Remember, you're fighting for this woman's honor, which is probably more than she ever did!''
    Bert Kalmar, U.S. screenwriter, Harry Ruby, Arthur Sheekman, and Leo McCarey. Rufus T. Firefly (Groucho Marx), Duck Soup, proclaiming his loyalty to Mrs. Teasdale (Margaret Dumont) as he and his men hold back enemy forces (1933).
  • ''Join the Army and See the Navy.''
    Bert Kalmar, screenwriter, and Harry Ruby, screenwriter. Leo McCarey. Sign paraded by Brownie (Harpo Marx), in Duck Soup (film) (1933).

Read more quotations »
[Report Error]