Biography of Donna Wampler
RE: The poem, 'Not a day goes by'... probably won’t mean much to the average reader, but, for some, My hopes will be that this is the beginning of their healing process, or even better, a poem that changes the direction of their life. I have healed some over time. The peom is compiled of past, present feelings as well as some experience that has been shared with me by others and their experiences. Some may think I am “crazy, ” and/or judge me and the paths I have chosen. It took me a good six months to pull it together and find direction. My direction was with God. From that point forward, I have been blessed in more ways that I would have never expected. Has it been easy…no. Is it getting better, yes. God is my healer and in His time I will overcome this pain that has been with me everyday. Meanwhile I am following His lead. When he says “write, ” I “write.” When he says, “talk about it, ” I talk about it.
My spouse of 21 years, committed suicide on Dec.7th,2008. My peom is a “work in progress.” Although I know I am not a poet, nor a writing expert, I am very passionate about letting people who are struggling to survive the effects of someone who committed suicide that they are not alone. This poem is a result of my experiences and God’s “firm nudging.”
I have been told to not talk about it, “move on and to let it go.” Easier said than done. I was and at times still...re-think, re-track days, moments before he “checked out.” What did I miss? Why didn’t I know? If I had been there…would he still be here? Why couldn’t he talk to me?
Someone asked me once, “We all just want to know why his wife wasn’t with him in his time of need? ” Ouch! But, for those closest to the one who took their life, it is not uncommon for them to be the blame for his/her choice to take their life. So the survivor is not only wrestling with the loss of a loved one, they are trying to sort through all those feelings as well. This is an undescribable burden to carry.
Some survivors also choose suicide to escape their pain. It’s an average of 45% that do. Some take to drugs, alcohol or both to escape the immense pain they feel. But me, I chose to “stuff” the pain, pull myself up by the bootstraps and keep on going. I needed to be strong for my family and especially my daughter, sons and my grandkids. This was looked upon as being cold and uncaring. When in all actuality, on the inside, I was in a very dark, lonely, scarred, hurt place, feeling rejected as well as carrying the blame for what he had done. The list goes on.
Six months after my spouse took his life, his surgeon committed suicide as well. They are buried in the same cemetery 100ft from each other. We had become close during my spouses illness. So, I had to do something or it was going to destroy me. I chose to take the negative and make it positive and do a fund raiser for suicide prevention/awareness. I still was criticized. “I was exploiting suicide and my deceased spouse”, I was told. I should have told the family I was doing the event...which I did, but it is hard to go into detail...by the very people whom blame you. Had they been a part of my life, support system, then this would have been different. But, nonetheless, after the event, there were calls to a local radio station and I did make a difference. There were cries for help and they were directed to the appropriate organization, resources. Mission accomplished!
If I saved just one life with the event or my peoms, then none of this tragedy was in vain. I am NOT patting myself on the back…I probably could have done some things differently. But understand, there is no “pattern” or “protocol” on how to cope with all of this pain.
Donna Wampler's Works:
Not A Day Goes By
Not a day goes by, that he isn't on her mind,
like many others, wants to know the answer to the question 'why? '
She knows he sees how much he is missed, the tears that are shed,
even those days that she is hangin' on by a single thread.
She is now happy and time has passed.
But, inside she is still hurting, 'how long must this last?