Edwin Drood

Santa goes into his son`s room to wish him goodnight. His son is having a nightmare - Santa wakes him and asks his son if he is OK? The son replies he is scared because he dreamt that his aunt had died. Santa assures the son that Auntie is fine and sends him to bed.
The next day, Auntie dies. One week later, Santa again goes into his son`s room to wish him goodnight. His son is having another nightmare - Santa again wakes his son. The son this time says that he had dreamt that his grandmother had died. The father assures the son that she is fine and sends him to bed.
The next day, grandmother dies. One week later, Santa again goes into his son`s room to wish him goodnight. His son is having another nightmare, he again wakes his son. The son this time says that he had dreamt that his daddy had died. The father assures the son that he is OK and sends the boy to bed.
Santa goes to bed but cannot sleep because he is so terrified. The next day, Santa is scared for his life- he is sure is going to die. After dressing he drives very cautiously to work fearful of a collision. He doesn`t eat lunch because he is scared of food poisoning. He avoids everyone for he is sure he will somehow be killed. He jumps at every noise, starts at every movement and hides under his desk.
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Please note: To know what is KBC scroll down to the last paragraph

Santa is appearing on 'Kaun Banega Crorepati (KBC) ' with Amitabh Bachchan.
Amitabh: 'Santa, you`re up to Rs Fifty lakhs, with one lifeline left: phone a friend. If you get it right, the next question is worth a crore rupees If you get it wrong, you dropp back to Rs 3,20,000. Are you ready? '
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Banta`s wife, Preeto, goes to England to attend a two-week, company training session. Banta drives her to the airport and wishes her to have a good trip.
Preeto answers, 'Thank you honey, what would you like me to bring for you? '
Banta laughs and says, 'An English girl! ! !
Preeto kept quiet and left.
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In a ship the Generals of three nations were traveling with their soldiers. They started the topic that whose soldier had more of guts.
The American general called for one of his men and told him to jump down the ship and take a round swimming around the moving ship. The soldier did as he was commanded and the general boasted of by saying 'See the guts! '
Now the German general called out for one of his men and asked him to take two similar rounds. The soldier did as he was told.
When he came back from the water the German said, 'See the guts.'
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Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a want ad for an accountant. Now he was being interviewed by a very nervous Banta who ran a small business that he had started himself.
'I need someone with an accounting degree, ' Banta said. 'But mainly, I'm looking for someone to do my worrying for me.'
'Excuse me? ' the accountant said.
'I worry about a lot of things, ' Banta said. 'But I don't want to have to worry about money. Your job will be to take all the money worries off my back.'
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An old blacksmith relized he was soon going to quit working so hard. So he picked out Santa to become his apprentice. The old fellow was crabby and exacting.
'Don`t ask me a lot of questions, ' he told Santa. 'Just do whatever I tell you to do.'
One day the old blacksmith took an iron out of the forge and laid it on the anvil.
'Get the hammer over there, ' he said. 'When I nod my head, hit it real good and hard.'
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Santa goes out one day and buys a brand new stud rooster for his chicken.
The cocky young rooster walks over to the old rooster and says: 'OK, old fellow, time to retire.'
The old rooster says: 'You can`t handle all these chickens, look what it did to me! '
The young rooster replies: 'Now don`t give me a hassle about this old man. It`s time for the old to step aside and the young take over, so take a hike! '
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Santa was Falling un hard times.He went to pray to the god'Oh god! I have lost my house and my wife and children are starving, please help me by letting me win the lottery1'
The lottery occured but another man won
Santa again prays to god the next day'Haven't I been faitful to you, please help me god, otherwise I will loose all my items and my children are already sick'
The next day another man wins the lottery....
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Santa took his elderly father to a nursing home to check it out. He sat his father down on a sofa in the main aisleway and went to talk with the administrators.
Santa`s father started to tilt slowly toward the left.
A Doctor came by and said, 'Let me help you.'
The Doc piled several pillows on the left side of Santa`s father so he would stay upright. Santa`s father started to tilt slowly to the right. An orderly noticed and put several more pillows on his right side to keep him upright. Santa`s father started to lean forward when a nurse came by and piled several pillows in front of him. About this time, Santa returned. Santa, 'Well, Dad, isn`t this a nice place.'
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The CBI is considering three men to be hired. They bring them in to speak with the interviewer separately. The first man comes in and sits down. The interviewer asks him:
'Do you love your wife? '
'Yes I do, sir.'
'Do you love your country? '
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Santa went to a psychiatrist. 'Doc, ' he said, 'I`ve got trouble. Every time I get into bed, I get this weird feeling that there`s somebody under it. I get under the bed, to check it out, but then I think there`s somebody on top of it. I go back and forth, all night long, on top, under, on top, under... You gotta help me, Doc, I`m going crazy! '

'Just put yourself in my hands for two years, ' said the shrink. 'Come to me three times a week, and I`ll cure your fears.'
'How much do you charge? '
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Santa and his wife lives in a small house in Chandigarh. One day Santa`s wife, Jeeto, asks Santa to fix a cupboard door, since one of the hinges was broken.
His reply was 'Do I look like a carpenter? I`m a Photographer, not a carpenter. Get a carpenter to fix the door'.
A few days later, Jeeto asks him to fix a dripping tap.
Again Santa replies 'Do I look like a plumber? I`m a photographer, not a plumber. Get a plumber to fix the tap'.
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One afternoon, a wealthy lawyer was riding in the back of his limousine when he saw Santa and Banta eating grass by the road side. He ordered his driver to stop and he got out to investigate.
'Why are you eating grass? ' he asked Santa.
'We don`t have any money for food, ' Santa replied.
'Oh, come along with me then, ' instructed the lawyer.
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One Sunday morning Santa`s son burst into the living room and said, 'Dad, Mom, I have some great news for you! I am getting married to the most beautiful girl in town. She lives a block away and her name is Priya.
After dinner, Santa took him aside, 'Son, I have to talk with you. Your mother and I have been married 30 years. She`s a wonderful wife but she has never offered much excitement in the bedroom, so I used to fool around with women a lot. Priya is actually your half-sister, and I`m afraid you can`t marry her.'
Son was heart-broken. After eight months he eventually started dating girls again. A year later he came home and very proudly announced, 'Sonu said yes! We are getting married in June.'
Again Santa insisted on another private conversation and broke the sad news. 'Sonu is your half-sister too, I am very sorry about this.'
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Banta and his friend are out in the country shooting rabbits. Suddenly, Banta`s friend falls right in front of him, throws a quick spasm, then lies perfectly still. He doesn`t seem to be breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head. In fact, he looks pretty well dead!
Quick, as a flash, horrified Banta whips out his mobile and calls for emergency. He gasps breathlessly to the operator... My friend just fell to the ground right here in front of me! He`s not breathing. He has no heartbeat! I think he is dead! What can I do? '
Well accustomed to this sort of situation, the emergency operator responds with her most soothing tone... 'Okay Sir, you must try to stay calm. If there`s anything that can be done, we`ll do it. But you will have to keep your cool, then we can take it one step at a time! Okay now?
'Sure! Sure! Of course, you`re right. I`m fine. Just tell me what must I do? '
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Santa and Banta left the bar after a long night of drinking, jumped in the car and started it up. After a couple of minutes, an old man appeared in the passenger window and tapped lightly. Banta screamed, 'Look at the window. There`s an old ghost`s face here! '
Santa sped up, but the old man`s face stayed in the window. Banta rolled his window down part way and, scared out of his wits, said, 'What do you want? '
The old man softly replied, 'You got any tobacco? '
Banta handed the old man a cigarette and yelled, 'Step on it, ' to Santa, rolling up the window in terror.
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