I was born in a cave in Yugoslavia. Perhaps born is too gentle of a term. Found may be more appropriate. I didn't meet my first human until I was nine years old. I communicated solely through grunts and violence. My family was a pack of boars, my cousins were bears. The humans who found me were some American soldiers scavenging the land for their lost comrade. I brutally murdered half their team, and the three that remained ran out of fear. I studied at Princeton University and eloped with my archaeology professor. We have four lovely children, Uuyonmg, Xyeniam, Quiyxo, and Fred. I've published over four million poems and 725,000 novels, over half of which have been made into academy-award winning films. My pioneering research on the cancer front has paved way for the development of revolutionary treatment options that have saved 500,000 lives since its publication in 2018 and has yet to save many more. I've competed in every available event for summer and winter Olympics and have medaled in all. My best associates include Elon Musk, founder of Space X and António Guterres, Secretary General of the UN. I enjoy baking exotic pies and transcribing ancient texts.