Kevin Lynch

Rookie (25/02/91 / Ireland)

Biography of Kevin Lynch

I was born in Ireland and am still living there presently. My life has always been ridden with problems and troubles, from childhood to adolescence to young adulthood. My mental health has been on a decline since my early teen years, progressing slowly on a downhill path. One of my best friends died when I was 15 and that experience changed my life, both for the better and the worse, but more-so for the worse.
I always thought that my life was normal, maybe not the same as others but I thought that what I felt all the time was what everyone felt. But when I was 17 I fell deeply in love and I realised that I spent my life thinking that I was happy when in truth I was miserable. The love I experienced then made me see the world anew, I discovered what it felt like to be happy and what it meant to be in love and to be loved. I stopped being so full of anger and hatred, and to this day I don't feel hatred for anyone or anything and I only very rarely get angry. But that relationship didn't last. But even so I didn't return to my miserable state that I had previously been in, well not for a while anyway. As time progressed I got worse and worse. I desperately reached out for the same kind of love that I had experienced, as that love filled time was the only memorable time that I had been truly happy in life.

Being such a hopeless lover lead to many regrettable actions and more suffering inflicted upon myself and also others. It wasn't long before my need for love caused my depression to climax. I would say that I have been depressed since the age of 12-13 though I can't really remember as my memory is hazy, but the memories I do have are far from happy ones.
Due to my depression climaxing I started self harming. I had lost my ability to cope with live and my troubles. I no longer got enjoyment out of things and I stopped getting satisfaction out of the things I used to love. Art, music, video games, hanging out with friends, writing, helping others; they all slowly stopped giving me the sense of satisfaction that I used to get from them. And instead, all I felt was sorrow, hopelessness, desperation and emptiness. My life had lost purpose and meaning, though I would say that my life never really did have either.

As time went on it seemed like I was losing the things that make me human. I stopped caring for not only myself, but for others and everything around me. I stopped feeling any guilt, any remorse, I basically stopped feeling everything. I started shutting people out and stopped letting the people who were close to me know what I was going through, that I was addicted to self harming and that I was becoming more and more obsessed with suicide and my death.
But recently things had improved for me, I stopped feeling so much sorrow on a day to day basis, I stopped crying all the time and stopped dwelling on things because I had met a girl and was developing feelings for her. Just having her around and talking to her brightened up my life, she removed the daily sorrow that I had been feeling and made me feel happy for the first time in what felt like forever. I remember how we stayed up all night together talking over the internet, smiling and laughing so much that our faces hurt. And she'll probably kill me for writing about her like this because things broke down due to a lack of communication. She was able to stop the physical sorrow that I felt, but we never got deeply involved enough for her to have a positive affect on my tainted mind. Along with my depression I have developed paranoia which is getting worse and worse, and I also live in a world of my own a lot of the time, dipping in and out of reality and I see fit. I have always been distant from the real world and will probably remain like this until I die.

My depression and sorrowful life along with suicide are the topics most present in my poetry with the occasional poem about love or something else. My poetry usually always has an underlying rhyming scheme, sometimes not always obvious, and some poems have hidden messages in them, usually made out of the first letters of each sentence spelling out something.
I see poetry as a way of one expression themself, how they feel, who they are, what they believe and what they want. My poetry is mostly about what/how I feel or what/how I think.

This short biography that I have written is to help readers understand my poetry and what I'm saying in it. I rarely use metaphors so it shouldn't be confusing or puzzling. And my poetry is an expression of myself, it is not a request for pity or sympathy from others.
My life has been a lot worse than it is now, but as I failed to mention earlier I have no motivation to do anything, I have no aspirations or desires except for one and that is my obsession with suicide.

I do not see anything wrong with suicide, one should be allowed to do what they want with their life and I think that people value life too much. They are afraid of the idea that if live can be thrown away so easily that it'll affect how they perceive their life. They don't like the idea of life having no meaning because it would mean that their life could be meaningless.
But what a lot of people may not see is that it's the quality of one's life that matters. There is no point in having loads of money, being very successful and talented if all you do is suffer and be miserable. If there is no sign of happiness in the future and only pain and sorrow, then why should one have to wade through all those years of suffering just so they can die? Suicide would bring the inevitable but without the years of suffering and pain.
I have attempted suicide multiple times and unfortunately failed, but I know that I will attempt again in the future. I do not care or value my life, and I want it to end. I never asked to be born, this life was forced upon me and I do not want it or enjoy it. So why endure it?

And on a separate note, people shouldn't be judged by what they have, by their talents, possessions, appearances, instead they should be judged by their actions and what they do. That is of course, if you are to judge them. Judge them or not, you should at least try to understand them on some level, understand what they do and why they do it. When you understand something then it can become rational and then you can see if it is a good thing, or a bad one, and then act accordingly.
Of course, this is just a rough and short description of what I see, it would take too long to go into it.

And as a last note I would like to thank all my friends of past and present and also all of the partners I've had in my past relationship, I'd like to thank them for brightening up my days and for being there, and also for putting up with me for so long. Updates

I'M Falling

I'm falling...
I'm falling...
Down into a black abyss,
With no end in sight,
A never-ending tunnel,
A never-ending blight.

Faster and faster,
I fall and fall,

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