Dear Sister, You poems are heatmelting and so emotional and it makes my soul crumble for your sorrow...I can't imagine the pain you're In seeing your child go astray and off from your sight of teachings. INSHALLAH Do Not Worry, As Long As You Are Alive, You Have A Chance To See Your Child Smile and Love Allah Again, love you again, But that only requires PRAYER with utmost concentration...don't pray 20 rakaats every night, but pray 2 rakaats every night with the deepest affection and willingness to feel Allah's presence and That will be more than enough, cry a tear or two from that heart that's trembling to make oceans of tears...Do it from the deepest core of your heart for your Child, Allah is Ar-Rahman, Ar-Rahim and the most Merciful and Gracious...He Is Always There whenever you need Him...
Call Allah from your heart, As Allah Says: 'SURELY ALLAH LOVES THOSE WHO REPENT' (2: 222)
In explaining the magnitude of Allah's love for a repenter, Prophet Muhammad (salallahu alai wasallam) said, 'Allah is happier with the repentance of a repenter more than a thirsty person finding water, a barren father at the birth of his child, and a stray person finding his way. Whoever repents sincerely, Allah will cause his recording angels, his limbs and the earth (on which the sins were committed) to forget his sins.'
Read the Quran and Hadith...ALLAH SHALL BRING YOUR CHILD HOME...ALLAH ALWAYS HELPS WHENEVER YOU BELIEVE WITH ALL YOUR HEART AND ACTUALLY SURRENDER.