Comments about Michael Philips
There are two types of people:
Those who play golf,
And those who recognize it
for the idiotic malpractice that it is,
that recognize it for the land wasting,
water guzzling, pesticide and herbicide
leeching into the groundwater,
sanitized version of nature,
Bob Hope celebrity goofball,
mundane polo shirt and jackass slacks,
elitist, history of bigotry, racism, sexism,
and anti-Semitism, over-priced, over-rated,
moronic indulgence that it is.
I’m the first type.
A Shitty Valentines Day
Just shut up already about herbal remedies, I told her.
This was on Valentines Day, hours before Sally fed
my dog some herbal medication
and he brewed butt coffee
and lost it all over my house after she left.
When I came home greeted by brown valentines
on my shoes, rug, and - omigod - headphones,
I had to walk around outside to calm down
before I picked up the phone.