Biography of Mikel Calcagno
“ALL ABOUT ME…” By: Mikel Calcagno I bury my head in the crook of my arm, my gaze in no particular direction, the floor, the ceiling, anywhere safe from eye contact. Any type of conversation with me is filled with silent drawn out moments of awkward contemplation. When I do speak, I go slowly, sound kind exhausted by the endeavor of choosing words. My voice is soft baritone sound with bad accidental stutters; my train of thought often derails as I work my way thru my sentences. Whenever I write, I write about my life thru dark rants and thru brutally confessional ballads. All I’m doing is being honest with myself. With whatever I write, I’ve always been candid and straightforward with what I had to say, holding nothing back. These words are from my traumatic childhood when I was abandoned by my parents, ignored by the people who said they cared about me, and alienated by my friends. My words support my feelings of self-loathing and deep-loneliness. The way I see it, I say every possible thing I could ever want to say in my poems/songs, whether it’s negative or not. I’m bearing my soul with unmitigated honesty; I call myself UGLY, PATHETIC, and REALLY MESSED UP. My words are very personal and real and it feels good to have someone listen/read to what I have to say when it ALWAYS seems like no one else would. I went thru MOST of my life feeling like what I say means NOTHING and you really can’t ignore something like that. So to have someone listen to what I have to say means the world to me even though I’m not much on words. My dad is KIND OF like me; laid back and isn’t really a people person. We don’t really have that much of a relationship and all I’ve known him to do was to yell at me. So we barely ever talk to each other. My relationship seems to be more strained with my father more than ever. There’s NEVER any feeling of a “tight-knit” family, we’re all spread apart only god knows where. All I’ve known my family to do is to FALL APART AND DIE. When my first family member died, it’s like my whole family died right along with her cuz all of us were disowned. When this happened, it left me with a lot of abandonment issues. My childhood is what I call, “a few bad people in the neighborhood.” There were always other kids who tended to pick me out. They didn’t just beat me up, it was a lot more that than that. I’m very reluctant about adding more, but it should be obvious now that it left deep scars. I’m a very sensitive kid. When I was younger, I was the kid, who if he got picked on, would run home crying. Even with my “friends” I be the brunt of their jokes. They liked the reactions they got out of me and I ALWAYS gave them a reaction… When my mom died on Christmas day, my soul practically died with her because she was the only one who truly understood what I go thru. I was never ashamed to tell her anything. I was ALWAYS there for her just as she was for me. The one thing I was afraid to do was to tell her how much I loved her. It felt like a knot in my throat and I couldn’t bring the words out. I was scared to say anything because I wanted to believe she’d get better. I didn’t want to say good-bye and it hurts so bad that I never got to. Just imagine waking up on Christmas to hear you mother is dead, something like that will definitely screw your life up and mine is basically falling APART. It affects me EVERYDAY cuz I choose not to forget… I CAN'T HELP BUT BE EMO SO GET OVER IT IF U DON'T LIKE IT... WANNA KNOW ANYMORE THAN JUST ASK... -L8R
Mikel Calcagno's Works:
Mikel Calcagno Poems
1. I'M Alone 2. I Miss Alisha...3.Commen...
I light another melted candle Stop to think about anything worth thinking of Come to no conclusions Take each step as it comes
it's been like this forever trudging thru imperfections like a feather sifting thru the wind I don't know if I wanna take this anymore If there's a point then you have to prove to me that you're worth the everything I must save
Seething I breathe a subtle purpose Anger rising scratching the surface Bleeding I convey the chains I've wrapped around my veins Pushed as I fall, I'm inclined to hate
She met a razor blade with an ambiguous look in her eyes She amorously succumbed her every thought as it catered itself to her pain Each scar she made cut with an artful dexterity The monument she created douse in her pain
I’m looking around taking in what’s there Sinking into it Succumbing to my fears What if I’m wrong?
00.I'M Funny When It Comes To Anal Probi...
On my way home, police car pulled me over. After they left, I puttered out of gas. Triple-a’ came, but my card was expired! I had to walk home, and of course, it rained half the time.
Swept away by the wind Night shadows turn to grey Solace reside in the sun and the darkened souls fall in the sand
Advant Garde Ruptured
Ablaze with passion rising with the distant twilight wind Endowed in serenity Only to be cast down by pain
Gained the world but have nothing Noticed but not known Your god spared a quality of himself In an aloe plant for the cut on your hand that bent backwards
To Bear A Burden Without False Integrity
There is a desire that plagues mankind. A desire that enslaves us all to serve with our faces upon the floor. A desire that no longer speaks to us through the crack upon the wall, but we settle for less just the same. We settle for any sign, for any word that shall propel us back unto the infinite fire we feel in our veins. Some may think that this is all pathetic, some may think that this may all be delusional, and that only people with certain mental conditions are incapable of self control. But desire has nothing to do with the self, nor does it really have to do with control. It all has to do with time. A limited existence hovering around our subconscious. The seconds that ticks within our bellies. The hunger that calls to our brains, and you still have not fed it, whatever it is, howling like a minutest wolf in our heads. And like a vampire it lives in the shadows, behind the walls we tend to cage them in. One by one we set the stones around the mantel, and we lock the thing with rods and chains. I have been inside the fireplace; I have looked into that darkened hole. I saw what looked like a replication of my existence, but it was much darker, yet how it glowed. It glowed with a murky green color, the red velvet couches looked a little bit rusted, and I heard something calling to me. A warning… a deeply embedded warning and I told my hero within me to get away.
Gained The World But Have Nothing
Prisms with intellect Wary of the water Enticing the past more than I care to explain A scene unhinged
Comes in violent flurries Light the candles as we speak It puts them out in stride Saturating all that's weak
Angel Calloused Beyond Repair
Like an angel flying over your house Like an angel passes out wishes like an angel i would move the arrow
Between Decadence And Fidelity...
I think there's a secret in telling confusion has brought us here and with each line given i still have yet to read any scripts
Swept away by the wind
Night shadows turn to grey
Solace reside in the sun
and the darkened souls fall in the sand
My poetic floodgates revel in the superiority of this perception
Deprived of the inner sensation of comfort
I won't let this beautful moon set
Frozen in time with never the memory of losing it to another day