A Christmas Eve Poem by Bill Simmons

Late one night
On Christmas eve
I was staying up late
Watching pay TV

I was just about
To fall asleep when
I thought I heard me
A burglar then

Well, I stood up
And I turned out the light
I must admit I
Was full of fright

I fumbled in the corner
For something to use
I found me a bat,
Thought that would do

I opened my door
And I peeked out
I couldn't see
But I could hear him about

I tip toed down the hallway
Just like a fool
And wouldn't you know it
I found him too

I sneaked up
Right from behind
I hit him hard
I wasn't kind

He fell into his bag
So I tied him up
Next thing you know
Wife was getting up

My wife walks in
Says, What's going on
I said, I caught me a burglar
Caught him on my own

My wife said, Well
Let's just look and see
When we opened it up
It was Santa and peeved

Santa said, Boy
You need to give it up
This Christmas thing
You don't have much luck

We untied him
And we let him go
My wife will tell you
Yeah, it is so

Now each year
I shop for the boys
I tell them it's from Santa
Their Christmas toys

We still see him
Every now and then
But he never stops
Only passes and grins

So in Santa
Yes, I believe
I once had him right here
Right in front of my tree

Merry Christmas everyone
To each one and all
But before you hit burglar
Remember this all

You may find
You're in a mess just like this
Now try explaining that one
To your small kids.