A Warrior's Wonder Poem by Jeff Collins

A Warrior's Wonder

Off the chopper on day one
Into the Abyss I run
I wonder if you knew
the hell I was running into

My good friend went quickly, no pain
Dooley's passing was horribly insane
I wondered if you knew
The anger ripping me in two

At Christmas I see this little tree
Hung with images of you and me
I wondered if you knew
How crazy I missed you

Walking amongst blackened corpses
Body parts from a suicide run
I wondered if you could know
The courage your man had shown

Hot sand blinding my eyes
Orange black dust storm sky
I wondered if you knew
All I saw was you

Returning home to you on leave
Another man's message on your screen
I wondered if you knew
I feared you were not true

Back into the Abyss again
Loving memories of time well spent
I wondered if you knew
I felt you had been true

My body tired in a dusty rack
Mosque prayers echo in pitch black
I wondered if you knew
The sounds I fell asleep to

Your soft skin, blue eyes, lustful smile
All alone with pure desire
I wondered if you knew
How much I longed for you

Enemy ambush, bullets, and thunder
Hollow faces trying to put me under
I wondered if you knew
That I might not come home to you

Flying through God's blue sky
Anticipating your sweet smile
I wondered if you knew
I was coming home to you

First two weeks in your loving arms
In nine months our Angels would come
I wondered if you knew
How deeply I loved you

On steel horses we did ride
My neighbor and I for awhile
I wondered if you knew
I needed to be renewed

I was late, you shocked and aghast
Then violence led to my arrest
I wondered if you knew
The fear I felt anew

Fear, hate then love
Up, down, below and above
I wondered if you could know
The feelings I could not show

Accusations of cheating and affairs
Threw my hopes into despair
I wondered if you knew
I was always faithful to you

Feeling our Angels kick and move
Our marital fix would be here soon
I wondered if you knew
How much I adored you

On a February snowy night
Holding your hand, by your side
I wondered if you knew
The respect I had for you

Looking at new Angels and my Love
My blessed family all in one
I wondered if you knew
How proud I was of you

New job, new home, better pay
Hoping this was our saving grace
I wondered if you knew
I did this all for you

Old fears, new accusations and such
You ran with my Angels, just took off
I wondered if you knew
I was dying unable to find you

You burned my face, my eyes aflame
And then said I was the one to blame
I wondered if you knew
How much I hated you

You in jail, I did not care
Now I have this cross to bear
I wondered if you knew
I did not know what else to do

At home with my Angels, I need my wife
But my pride grips like a vise
I wondered if you knew
In my heart I still loved you

Our secret meeting on a grass of green
Our Angels played with you and me
I wondered if you knew
My heart was reaching for you

Deep inside I mourned for you
Then you found another so soon
I wondered if you could know
I lost for moving too slow

On and off now we make our love
You say yes, then no, what's wrong
I wonder if you knew
How much I want to be with you

I see another singing to my Angels
Kissing you, your arms entangled
I wonder if you could see
Me praying on my knees

I say I love you at every chance
Hoping your heart will find its way back
I wonder if you know
My words are not for show

Christmas Eve we made love so deep
Alone with you I feel complete
I wonder if you knew
I cherished every minute with you

Again I find that you are with him
That bright Christmas light is now dim
I wonder if you could know
The pain inside our home

So I forgive and show my heart
Then you stay and then you part
I wonder if you know
I wish you would stay and never go

New Year's Eve our anniversary night
You later tell me he was by your side
I wonder if you know
That was a terrible blow

If it is revenge you seek
I plead mercy for you to be sweet
I wonder if you knew
We believe in you

Three nights of bliss and yes to reconcile
Three days later you change your mind
I wonder if you knew
This love can't wait forever for you

Sweet dreams of holding your hand
That Broadway show would be fine romance
I wonder if you knew
That ticket still waits for you

Now our Angels sleep in bliss this night
Wishing you were by our side
I wonder if you know
We hope one day you'll come home