Crying out for help, to no avail.
The torment lies within the guilt, the shame too much to bear. Never believed that this can happen to me.. Not me! I’m a counselor without a PHD. I’m the one person that people come to for advice. I’m supposed to have my shit together!
Got to keep the secret going though, can’t blow my cover.
There’s another person, no one knows living here. Taking on it’s own identity, but it can’t have my name. In the darkness, in secrecy, it likes to immerge during the low points in my life, to help with the pain, confusion, frustration, and anger.
Complex is the psyche, susceptible to a great many things. It can endure the most intense of trauma and yet it’s fragile enough to breakdown under the least minute pressures.
I become an actor, acting on those uncontrollable urges to satisfy the body’s need to become numb or to feel detached if only for a moment. I temporary escape to a place, my place, defined neither in the past or the future or even present?
Get a grip! Take inventory! Take some ownership! Feel that pain…
To deny those emotional floodgates is to be dead and to have never lived. Life is never meant to be easy! ! Nothing worth while ever is.
We have each other, the living prove that the human spirit can overcome any and all adversity.
Tame those urges, the comfort comes with the understanding that you don’t go through life alone, look to the stars for your strength.
Friday, December 7, 2007