Agony Aunt 2: Poem by David Wood

Dear Agony Aunt, I'm not feeling fine
My partner only wants to sleep with me
After drinking a whole bottle of wine
And when smelling like a brewery.

She says I snore and talk in my sleep
And I need to stand closer to the shower;
She say's my after shave smells very cheap
And in bed I've lost my staying power.

Dear reader this is what you shall do
It is vital you talk to your partner soon
Preferably when she is sober and true
And you don't feel so much of a prune.

Dear Agony Aunt, I did what you said
We had a long talk the other day
But she kicked me out of our bed
And in the other room she told me to stay.

I now have to sleep with the dog
Who snores much louder than me
I'm kept awake and no longer sleep like a log
Dear Agony Aunt, how can I end this misery?

Dear reader, love is a long and windy road
Listen to your agony aunt because she is wise
You have to turn to a prince from a toad;
It seems to me to be a perfect compromise.