All these years
All these tears
All this time
I blamed you
But maybe the fault was mine.
What is wrong with me?
Why do you love me for a moment,
Then forget me for long days, months, years
You aren’t here, even when you are you aren’t
You look right through me
You see me as a burden
You used to look at me like you would die without me,
Like I was more to you than the very air you breathed.
I want you to walk away from anyone
Just because I need you.
I thought that was what love was all about.
I guess I watched too many movies
Or read too many fairy tales
I thought loving someone meant walking away from it all
I gave up every thing for you and I always, always assumed
You would do the same
Now I see that isn’t true
And I have to tell you
It hurts worse than a blade through my flesh;
ripping flesh, spilling blood
Sometimes I long for something like that.
Physical pain to focus on;
break a finger to take away the focus on the way my heart aches
Something to remind me that I am real
That I exist
The things I want and need matter, you know;
Even though I get the feeling they don’t matter much to you.