Broken Pattern - Poem by Ayesha Sartawi
We had never found ourselves here before; we never needed to walk out the door. The slamming door is followed by the silence of the night,
But in my mind still exists the loudness of the scary fight.
I let myself fall for you, knowing it could not be, an end before the start, You knew it too, but never prevented me, a classic story of a broken heart.
And I try to sleep the pain away, but it haunts me even that deep. I can hear my heart pray, as my tears drown me in my sleep.
My heart deceives me again and will not take the blame, it's addicted to loss with no gain, it's a pattern, and it has always been the same.
I am not blinded by the sunshine anymore; their words of hope are not reaching me. I am searching for my lost core, intimidated of losing and losing eternally.
I start by counting every minute, hour, and day, if I am able. I celebrate any strength I have found. Outside everything is still and stable. But in me everything is spinning around.
Missing you, the way I do is filling my heart with creases. Thinking of you, as often as I do is tearing my mind into pieces. Don't ask; you now know it all, every time I rise I must fall.
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