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Rating: 4.9

The diner nibbles biscuit
because a stealthy misfit
has finished off the brisket and the pie.

His methods are erratic
and crumbs bedaub his jacket
unheeded by his static glassy eyes.

Upon his thin long fingers
a whiff of Cheddar lingers.

The end of a malingerer is nigh.
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Owain Glyn 08 December 2012

Excellent rhythm, fine humor, clever structure. No flattery, this is consummate work.

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Kevin Patrick 28 November 2012

Something so much simpler and extremely humorous, I love how the words just fly with rhythm when I read this out loud, it brought a smile to my face. Well done Madam!

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Danny Draper 26 November 2012

Great humour and deftly crafted rhymes with masterful cadences and precise diction to delight a connoisseur of succinct poetic fiction.

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Wahab Abdul 21 November 2012

very nice poem......really lovely, i like it..

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Bri Edwards 20 November 2012

rodney (see comment below) might have the answer if he reads the other comments. you fooled me until i read mouse if i had all day i'd tell you what i'd been thinking. actually it took a second reading before i realized ballistic metal didn't refer to bullets. i must admit however that the last stanza threw me. were there two diners? ? ? did one survive? i think of specs as something usually just worn by humans. of course i think one diner in Cinderella may have worn them. many thanks. i think your humor may be more subtle than mine.

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Elisabeth Wingle 11 June 2017

Diane I enjoyed solving your mysterious poem. Very intertaining. I am reminded of the old saying. 'The early bird gets the worm, but the SECOND mouse gets the cheese! !

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Savita Tyagi 04 June 2017

Creative and humorous. The title attracted me from Bri's June poem list. The poem totally overwhelmed me. Thanks for sharing.

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Bri Edwards 27 May 2017

4 1/2 years after my first comment i've come to gather this into June's showcase. i reread it at least twice. now i think the poem is mostly referring to a human male who set the mouse trap using his now-cheesy fingers and is enjoying a cookie, waiting for the trap to do its damage (successfully) . Thanks. i 'hate' when a poet makes me work my brain! ! ! :) bri

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Patricia Grantham 04 November 2014

A lot of laughs. Would go good with a cup of coffee. Happy for the mouse though! . Enjoyed

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Douglas Scotney 17 July 2014

Luscious description, Diane. I watched once as a mouse bounced cutely all over my trap, nibbled at the almond, and then, alas...

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