Diane Hine

Silver Star - 4,143 Points (25 July 1956)

Grey - Poem by Diane Hine

The diner nibbles biscuit
because a stealthy misfit
has finished off the brisket and the pie.

His methods are erratic
and crumbs bedaub his jacket
unheeded by his static glassy eyes.

Upon his thin long fingers
a whiff of Cheddar lingers.
The end of a malingerer is nigh.

His ears are pricked for whispers.
A presage stills his whiskers
before tight sprung ballistic metal flies.

The silence is emphatic.
The stillness is dramatic
to underscore a tragic mouse demise.

Quick nails tip tap the china.
He grinds his biscuit finer.
Behind his specs, the diner's eyes are dry.


Comments about Grey by Diane Hine

  • Elisabeth Wingle (6/11/2017 9:45:00 AM)

    Diane I enjoyed solving your mysterious poem. Very intertaining. I am reminded of the old saying.
    'The early bird gets the worm, but the SECOND mouse gets the cheese! !
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  • Savita Tyagi (6/4/2017 8:21:00 AM)

    Creative and humorous. The title attracted me from Bri's June poem list. The poem totally overwhelmed me. Thanks for sharing. (Report)Reply

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  • Bri Edwards (5/27/2017 4:29:00 PM)

    4 1/2 years after my first comment i've come to gather this into June's showcase. i reread it at least twice. now i think the poem is mostly referring to a human male who set the mouse trap using his now-cheesy fingers and is enjoying a cookie, waiting for the trap to do its damage (successfully) .

    Thanks.

    i 'hate' when a poet makes me work my brain! ! !

    :) bri
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  • Patricia Grantham (11/4/2014 7:31:00 AM)

    A lot of laughs. Would go good
    with a cup of coffee. Happy for the mouse
    though! . Enjoyed
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  • (7/17/2014 9:07:00 PM)

    Luscious description, Diane. I watched once as a mouse bounced cutely all over my trap, nibbled at the almond, and then, alas... (Report)Reply

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  • (12/8/2012 3:13:00 AM)

    Excellent rhythm, fine humor, clever structure. No flattery, this is consummate work. (Report)Reply

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  • Kevin Patrick (11/28/2012 11:25:00 PM)

    Something so much simpler and extremely humorous, I love how the words just fly with rhythm when I read this out loud, it brought a smile to my face. Well done Madam! (Report)Reply

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  • (11/26/2012 6:27:00 AM)

    Great humour and deftly crafted rhymes with masterful cadences and precise diction to delight a connoisseur of succinct poetic fiction. (Report)Reply

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  • Wahab Abdul (11/21/2012 3:24:00 AM)

    very nice poem......really lovely, i like it.. (Report)Reply

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  • Bri Edwards (11/20/2012 2:33:00 PM)

    rodney (see comment below) might have the answer if he reads the other comments. you fooled me until i read mouse if i had all day i'd tell you what i'd been thinking. actually it took a second reading before i realized ballistic metal didn't refer to bullets. i must admit however that the last stanza threw me. were there two diners? ? ? did one survive? i think of specs as something usually just worn by humans. of course i think one diner in Cinderella may have worn them. many thanks. i think your humor may be more subtle than mine. (Report)Reply

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  • Ruby Honeytip (11/17/2012 6:06:00 AM)

    I love the rhythm of this one! !
    I could dance to this: -)
    Makes me want a pet rat.....
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  • (11/11/2012 9:05:00 AM)

    A lovely poem full of humour which tickled me to laugh. Simply good. (Report)Reply

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  • (11/11/2012 1:59:00 AM)

    This one brought a hearty chuckle. It’s a fine read, and befitting for the season. Thanks Diane. (Report)Reply

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  • (11/10/2012 3:15:00 PM)

    A fantastic poem, really like your humour. (Report)Reply

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  • Valerie Dohren (11/10/2012 5:30:00 AM)

    Lighthearted and amusing - just great, well penned. (Report)Reply

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  • (11/10/2012 4:10:00 AM)

    Amusingly penned down and refreshingly novel a piece! Good write Diane.. (Report)Reply

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Poem Submitted: Saturday, November 10, 2012

Poem Edited: Saturday, November 10, 2012


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