Hold The Potato Poem by gershon hepner

Some experts wish that countries eating grain
would choose potatoes as their staple diet.
Like Antoinette Marie these men complain
of food some natives eat. You shouldn’t buy it,
if alternatives are cheaper. As for cake,
I gather Antoinette Marie has been
maligned in a notorious mistake
about which Vivian Gruder is most keen
that Francophiles and phobes should all correct.
She didn’t say potato or tomato,
but grain is needed by those who expect
to be respected though they’re not in NATO.

If wedding planners tell you what you serve,
don’t cut champagne and serve instead a cuppa
tea, served with potato chip hors d’oeuvres
in your cheap smorgasbord before the huppah,
what would you tell them? People must have cake,
and champagne, and by caving in like Plato,
you’ll cause the hearts of many guests to break
as Antoinette once did. Hold the potato!
Serve grain and make a boreh pri hagafen
on bubbly, or if you prefer, hagefen,
but, God forbid, if buns are in the oven,
do not delay until the grains can leaven.

Some free advice offered to my son Zachary and his fiancée Rikki who are currently planning their wedding in the Atrium in Monsey on November 16. Also inspired by Elisabeth Rosenthal, who writes in the NYT on October 26 that experts are suggesting that countries dependent on grain should switch to potatoes (“Rearranging Pantries, Aid Groups Favor Potato”) . Also inspired by my good friend Vivian Gruder, whose book The Notables and the Nation: The Political Schooling of the French,1787-1788 (Harvard Historical Studies) makes some very kind references to me, comparing my poems to scurrilous libels that were published in Paris in the 18th century.


10/26/08