ramon berghout

Rookie (1-17-61 / bklyn ny)

I Pause - Poem by ramon berghout

I pause
and step out of myself
and I look at myself
do I like who I see
is that man really me
I pause.
I pause
and with an honest look
read my life like an open book
and my face cracks a grin
cause it doesn't read 'the end'
I pause.
I pause
and I stop and I stare
and sometimes shed a tear
for my loved ones who care
who have always been there
through this crazy nightmare
and now their biggest fear
is I die somewhere
too soon...
from drugs.
I pause
cause I keep on forgettin
the times I was hittin
and ended up sittin
in dispair
and disgust
and though times are still hard
I still belive in my God
and my life in His hands I entrust.
People talk about war with Iraq and Bin Ladin
but my war's in my head when I'm scheming and plottin
and my minefields
is how my mind feels
when I use
see my mind makes up chores
stealing from stores
robbing my folks and yours
getting down on all fours
looking for crack rocks on floors
and craving for whores...
I pause.
I pause
cause I can't understand
how this intelligent man
can come up with a plan
to end up in quicksand
have to ask God for His hand
so I pause.
For a good cause
I pause.
For the right cause
I pause.
To hear my own applause
not yours...
I pause! ! !

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Poem Submitted: Monday, August 23, 2010

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