Snake Blocker

Internet Romance - Poem by Snake Blocker

I uploaded my heart for millions to see.
Then I sent my cyber kisses to women I would never meet.
I saw pictures of beautiful women, but only from the waist up,
So I had to judge their hips by the size of their triceps…and then some.
I had to sort through all the lies and misdirection.
I had to fill in the missing sentences,
Like when she said. 'I have no baggage, '
She forgot to say it's because they took it all from her when she went to prison.
Another said, 'I like a guy who is open minded, '
She forgot to say it's because she's married.
One said, 'I like children, '
She forgot to say it's because she already had four from three different men.
Some said things like, 'I like to workout, '
They forgot to say they also like to eat junk food and 5,000 calories a day.
Others said, 'I like to be treated like a queen and I love sweets, '
They meant to say they want a 'Sugar-daddy.'
Women would tell me, 'I love to go out at night, '
The truth was they were really ugly in the daylight.
One gal said, 'I don't like a guy who is jealous, '
She forgot to say it's because she has three boyfriends and an ex she still sleeps with.
Another 'chick' said, 'I'm one crazy lady, '
She forgot to tell me that's what her psychologist diagnosed her as.
This one lady said, 'I'm a brat, '
She meant to say she acts like a twelve year old when she doesn't get her way.
31,527 hits and counting…
I never felt so popular.
Even on Myspace I have 1,432 friends.
Most of them promote porn sites,
Isn't that a weird coincidence?
So here I am sitting at home on another Friday night,
Typing away…
Oh! Someone just emailed me…
She says she's a perfect '10, '
That means she's a '5' or '6' at best.
Gotta go…my true love awaits me in Cyber Mars.

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Poem Submitted: Thursday, August 9, 2012

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