Lydia Clarke

Rookie (U.K.)

Joe. - Poem by Lydia Clarke

Why do I find it so difficult to be the girlfriend I want to be?
I panic so much, that you don’t like me or that I’m being too full-on.
I stop myself from texting you,
I make myself play games.
It’s not what I want so why am I doing it?
I have to stay in control,
And I want you to let me have all the control.
But I would hate for you to be weak,
To submit.
So what the hell am I asking you for?
To be there,
But not too much.
To plan ahead that we will meet up,
But not so that I think you don’t want to see me all the time.
Ring me up and ask me over then and there,
But don’t expect me to dropp everything for you.
How is it that months after the others
I can admit how strongly I felt,
Once they started treating me like dirt.
I knew how I felt.
I want to treat you the way you deserve,
It’ll take time but I’ll do it.
I’m panicking every step off the way.
That I’m not what you want,
That I’ve changed since you first met me,
That you’ve changed your mind.
I’m so scared you don’t want to be with me.
I must really want to be with you to be panicking like this I guess.
But I must be such a pain.
Getting annoyed at you,
Getting emotional.
And that’s not who I want to be…
I guess I’m confused.
And scared.

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Poem Submitted: Wednesday, July 2, 2008

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