Just Kidding Myself Poem by Dennis Ryan

September 16,2006

I hadn't seen your answer coming,
but it came with such a force of timing
that it overwhelmed me, left me thinking
about it for days.I might withhold something
from you, but betrayal?Outright betrayal?
But what is one more loss, or something else
simply disguised as loss? It would have been
different had it happened before the trauma
got started.Still, the betrayal was there. That's
what really hurt, overwhelmed me, left me thinking
about it for days.You were—now that's gone too—
gone before I knew.I was just kidding myself
all this time, thinking that you cared.