March 2019's Usually-Monthly Showcase Of Poems From Poem Hunter Poets ….[ Some "Funny" Poems; Some Poems Involving "Nature"; Sharing Poems With Y O U From P H! ] Poem by Bri Edwards

Nature may be defined as things-of-Earth (excluding humans and ‘their creations') :
Ants - Zebras, Artichokes - Zinnias, Rocks, Water, etc., ….not poems OR nations.

Funny means different things, but mostly I refer to poems which MAY make you laugh,
found in P H ‘s list of "funny" poems OR in MyPoemList/Favorites, not quite ½ & ½.

So, sit back, or stand, or lie down if you will, and use these as an excuse to recreate.
And, as the poems move you, you may enjoy once or more.I hope, none, you hate!



(February...20th...2019)

bri

(:





A -Some poems I recently found on PH's list of "funny" topic-poems (though I dislike many on PH's list) , and also some funny ones from Bri's list of ‘Favorites' on PH.All of these are NOW in my list of favorites aka MyPoemList.


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1 - Funny... But Not - by arianna loshnowsky

it's funny how hello is always accompanied with goodbye
it's funny how good memories can start to make you cry
it's funny how forever never seems to last
it's funny how much you'd lose if you forgot about your past
it's funny how "friends" can just leave when you are down
it's funny how when you need someone they never are around
it's funny how people change and think they're so much better
it's funny how many lies are packed into one "love letter"
it's funny how one night can contain so much regret
it's funny how you can forgive but not forget
it's funny how ironic life turns out to be
but the funniest part of all, is none of thats[sic] funny to me
]

arianna loshnowsky


[ Bri's Note: In last ‘line', Bri suggests "that's" (oops!) ]

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2 - Funny Friendship Poem - Poem by Muhammad


Friend

You and I are friends
You laugh, I laugh
You cry, I cry

You scream, I scream
You run, I run
You jump, I jump

You jump off a
bridge, I'm going to
miss you buddy :)


Muhammad Raza Master


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3 - The Age Before The Computer (Really Funny) - Poem by Devang Gandhi


A server was a man with drinks
A Notebook was where you write
A click was done with fingers
And a reboot means you had a fight

Cyberspace was where the spaceships went
A screen saver was a cinema's bodyguard
Traffic only happened in cars
And Spam always had a lot of lard

Java was a type of bean
Hacking was what[sic] an axe-man's job,
A platform was where you sang
And a volley was a type of lob

Scan was to read really fast
A Moniter[sic] was a teacher
A shortcut was a dangerous way
And Shout-Outs done by preachers

Meg was the name of my girlfriend,
And gig was a job for the nights.
Now they all mean different things,
And that really mega bytes.

An application was for employment.
A program was a TV show.
A cursor[sic] used profanity.
A keyboard was a piano.

Memory was something that you lost with age.
A CD was a bank account.
And if you had a 3 inch floppy,
You hoped nobody would ever find out.

Compress was something you did to the garbage,
Not something you did to a file,
And if you unzipped anything in public
You'd be in jail for a while.

Log on was adding wood to the fire.
Hard drive was a long trip on the road.
A mouse pad was where a mouse lived,
And a backup happened to your commode.

Cut you did with a pocket knife.
Paste you did with glue.
A web was a spider's home,
And a virus was the flu.

I guess I'll stick to my pen and paper,
And the memory in my head.
I hear nobody's been killed in a computer crash,
But when it happens they wish they were dead!


Devang Gandhi



[Bri's Notes: This is one of my very favorites this month.I have added
[sic] after something which seems odd or is a typo or seems so.I'm sure
some readers will not understand the whole poem, and with good reason(s) ,
but it is wonderful.


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4 & 5 -

[ Here are two poems sent to me in PH messages by my PH friend Kim Barney
Aka Aunty Septic.

Don't expect to understand these (totally at least) either, unless you are American, old, and a show business fan.Being a male may help as well.I don't have titles and don't know if they are in his list of PH Poems. :) bri ]:


4 -


Ohh, ohhh... ain't it fun
Here's some things them oysters done...

They made Jim Beam
They made Allen Thick
They made Jonathan Swift
And they made Gracie Slick
They made Victor Mature
And they made Tom Petty
They started Willie Waylon
And they got Helen Reddy.
They made Tom Cruise
They made Oscar Wilde
They gave Gary Hart
But they gave Gomer Piles
They made William Hurt
They made Lucille Ball
They made Wilson Picket
And that ain't all.


AND:

5 -


Ohh, ohhh... yes it's true
What a little oyster can do for you.
Ohh, ohhh... ain't it fun
Here's some more them oysters done.

They got George Bush
They made Bozo a Clown
They got Bobby Bare
And made Ezra Pound
They made Gallo Wine
They made Merle Haggart
They Made Andy Devine
They made Jimmy Swagger
They made Rich Little
And made Hughie Long
They made BB King
And they made Neil's Armstrong
And if you ask my wife,
She'll tell you quite gaily
Best of all they made old Pat Daily.


Aunty Septic


[ Bri's Note: (more) some of the words/names may seem misspelled; Aunty is having fun with words/spellings.Hint: "Oysters.... It's zinc, which oysters are loaded with. The mineral helps the body produce testosterone, a hormone critical in regulating women's and men's libido and sexual function. Research suggests that zinc can improve sperm count and swimming ability, and increase sexual potency in men." ]

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6 - The Funny Little Fellow - Poem by James Whitcomb Riley


Twas a Funny Little Fellow
Of the very purest type,
For he had a heart as mellow
As an apple over ripe;
And the brightest little twinkle
When a funny thing occurred,
And the lightest little tinkle
Of a laugh you ever heard!

His smile was like the glitter
Of the sun in tropic lands,
And his talk a sweeter twitter
Than the swallow understands;
Hear him sing- and tell a story-
Snap a joke- ignite a pun, -
'Twas a capture- rapture- glory,
An explosion- all in one!

Though he hadn't any money-
That condiment which tends
To make a fellow 'honey'
For the palate of his friends; -
Sweet simples he compounded-
Sovereign antidotes for sin
Or taint, - a faith unbounded
That his friends were genuine.

He wasn't honored, maybe-
For his songs of praise were slim, -
Yet I never knew a baby
That wouldn't crow for him;
I never knew a mother
But urged a kindly claim
Upon him as a brother,
At the mention of his name.

The sick have ceased their sighing,
And have even found the grace
Of a smile when they were dying
As they looked upon his face;
And I've seen his eyes of laughter
Melt in tears that only ran
As though, swift-dancing after,
Came the Funny Little Man.

He laughed away the sorrow
And he laughed away the gloom
We are all so prone to borrow
From the darkness of the tomb;
And he laughed across the ocean
Of a happy life, and passed,
With a laugh of glad emotion,
Into Paradise at last.

And I think the Angels knew him,
And had gathered to await
His coming, and run to him
Through the widely opened Gate,
With their faces gleaming sunny
For his laughter-loving sake,
And thinking, 'What a funny
Little Angel he will make! '


James Whitcomb Riley (b.1849-d.1916)

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7 - 410. I Love Being A Football - Poem by Aries Profanisaurus


I love being a football
and to hear the crowd roar
when someone puts me in the net
am happy to help them score

It's a wonderful feeling to be caressed
by the feet of players with skill
when they do the flicks and tricks
it gives me a cheap thrill

Am happy to roll along
or fly through the air
as long as I am the one they all want
about the rest I could not even care

Yes I love being a football
even if the goal posts are just two sticks
put your foot through anywhere on the pitch
as that is how I get my kicks
Aries Profanisaurus [ formerly John Westlake on PH ]

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8 - A Hole In My Sock - Poem by John Carter Brown


I've noticed, again, a small hole in my sock
And there's something I don't understand:
It puzzles me greatly, I'm baffled, and so
On this subject I now should expand.

I put the sock onto my left foot and see
That peeping out there's my big-toe;
This makes me unhappy, because I am sure
That left there, the small hole it must grow.

To effect a solution is easy enough,
So I swap the sock o'er to my right,
Then the known laws of physics get twisted around,
I begin to lose trust in my sight.

I cannot believe what I see on my foot
It seems that the hole has reversed;
It's moved to the left - to my other big-toe!
I now think my sock has been cursed.

I swap the sock back, and the hole moves again,
It's creepy - what does it intend?
It's back to the right, where it was in verse two,
I now think I've gone round the bend.

And so I surrender, it's all got too much
Sock-holes move, and of that there's no doubt;
I just wanted to warn you about it, and thought,
Like the toe, that I'd just point it out.


(Written Aug 2013)
John Carter Brown


[ Bri's Note: A few years ago, John Carter Brown's inspired the next poem, #9. ]

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9 - Speedo Hole..... [ Wardrobe Malfunction! ; Humor; Short Enough; Inspired By John Carter Brown's Poem ] - Poem by Bri Edwards



I jumped in the pool. I wore my Speedo;
I thought my jewels were secured.
To be modest is my virtuous credo,
though, my swimsuit, some have demurred.

Ten laps later I got out to off-dry,
intending to sit ….in poolside lounge chair,
but then an errant ball I did spy,
sticking out of a hole …. with some hair.

Yes! My left gonad was all uncovered;
I wrapped the towel ‘round and went to loo.
Had anyone else, my errant ball, discovered?
I checked to be sure that I still had two.

Two were there I found, to my great relief;
that one had gone wandering made me laugh.
I turned suit inside out. Problem solved, my belief.
Hole was now on right, and right ball was bigger by half.

Yes! When I was born the doctor said to my dear Dad:
'Your boy's right gonad is huge; 50% more than the right! '
My Mom was almost too tired to care, but she was glad ….
that I had the normal number of what's-usually-out-of-sight.

Well, I was correct. My right gonad stayed within the Speedo,
though a bit of it was showing through the silly hole.
I returned to the pool, bending a little my above credo.
I never had thought my rightie would come in handy, bless my soul!


(February6th ….2015)
Bri Edwards


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B - Some poems I have taken from my list of ‘favorite' PH poems.These I call "Nature Poems".


1 -A Forest Walk - Poem by Colleen Courtney


As I traipse through
a pine forest,
I inhale sharply
the resinous scent of sap.
I feel my feet sink slightly
into the pine needles
which carpet the forest floor
in a rug of burnt orange.
As I walk slowly
the sun peeks through
the branches overhead.
The slanting rays of light
filtering through
to shine upon my
upturned face.
Branches creak and twigs snap
as the squirrels chase each other
in a game of 'catch me if you can'
High above in the treetops,
birds chitter and chatter excitedly
as an owl hoots in the distance.
I stop.
I close my eyes and breathe deep.
Taking in all of the peacefulness.
All of the beauty and wonder
of Mother Nature.
As all of my senses are blissfully fulfilled.


Colleen Courtney


[ Bri's Note: This poem reminds me of the many hours i spent by myself as a child wandering the farmland and woods/forests and ponds near my boyhood home in western New York State, U.S.A.! ]

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2 - A Dove And Crows - Poem by Elena Sandu


A Park

A dove came to sit
near to a lonely man.
He stops watching the lake
and talks to it
I cannot hear
what he says
But as he seems
to loose[sic] his smile,
the dove is chased away
by.. crows..
Moves next to a bench,
Where a young couple
have a small feast
Of course the dove
Gets to be fed a few crumbs
But crows come there too!
Like at a signal
Ground is filled with lots of crows now
And more to come! !
Young couple interrupt their eating
*Bento goes back inside the bags
they stand ready to run away..
But crows insist! Start yelling:
One by one, taking turns:
-Craaawwww! ! ! ! Craaaawwww! ! Not fair! !
-Craaaww craaaw only two crumbs..-Pleaaase! !
-What's the criterion
of your food to share?
-The color of my feathers?
-What color I shall dye them, pink! ? !
-The sound of my voice?
-Should I be mute, you think?
-Size? ! ?
-Teach me! How can I shrink? !
-Is it my fault?
-That I'm not cute
-I can't enchant..
-Why? am I so unpleasant?
And then, in chorus:
-Why? ? ! ! ? ?
Being smart..
it does not count?

Without a word, couple gone
to answer questions, they did not mind
But.. By leaving in such a hurry
not noticed was, the *onighiri[sic] left behind…


*Bento=Japanese fancy lunch box
*onighiri= rice ball


[ Bri's Note: I think "lose", not "loose".I used to get those two spellings mixed up! ]

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3 - A Boy And A Frog (Kids Stuff) - Poem by Sally Plumb Plumb


The great, green gob
was opened wide
and a wriggling worm
was fed inside.

The boy said, 'Mum,
the frog he comes
and sees me every day,
but a grass snake lurks
and slyly works
his slithers by the way'.

Then the snake, like lightning,
makes a strike.
The boy he quickly starts
and jaws around
the great, green gob
are gently eased apart.

Now frog and snake
their freedom take
from the boy
with a pounding heart.


Sally Plumb Plumb

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4 - A Bird's Chase And Bee's Flight - Poem by Savita Tyagi


On one of my morning walks when the
Day felt ignoble and routine, suddenly
A black bird with a coarse shriek came
Flying violently in air above my head.

Her plumage looked wet and unkempt.
She was preying upon a wasp or a bee.
The spunky wasp flew with all its might.
In a duple' time the chase was over.

The distraught bird, probably heavy with
Damp feathers had lost its battle for food.
Today the bee won the fight for her survival.
Tomorrow she may not be so lucky though.

But for now she can be grateful and rest
In the shady crevices of oak branches.
I watched the weary Grackle as she took
Shelter in the opposite cluster of pine needles.

The frenzied atmosphere returned to vacant
And languid idleness of hot summer morning,
But not before it made my regular walk under
Cerulean sky a bit more exciting and of a show wild.


Savita Tyagi

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5 - A Beaver's Bank - Poem by Stephen Katona



Please believe this story is true,
Of a beaver that used money as glue.
It happened in 2004,
When two robbers broke the law,
Stealing lots of dough,
From their local casino.
They hid the loot in the nearest bank,
The kind that a river has on each flank,
Saying, 'No-one will find it in this creek,
I hope these bags do not leak.'

Now Bernie the beaver was out one night,
These peculiar packages gave him quite a fright.
He tore the material with chisel like teeth,
And saw thousands of dollars lying beneath,
So thanks to two thieves,
Bernie found the perfect leaves,
To finish his dam*,
And off he swam,
To fill all the spaces,
With funny green faces,
An expensive cement,
For a hard working rodent.
Weaving countless bills,
With amazing skills,
He made a place to lie,
To keep his fur dry.
The pictures scared wolves from attack,
And tasted great as a winter snack.

One day the Louisiana police,
Came across an expensive masterpiece.
It looked the work of a practical joker,
A dam of money from the game of poker.


Stephen Katona


* [ Bri's Notes: I think "hut" may be more appropriate than "dam".Damn! Stephen has several interesting poems about ‘true' Nature events.He says this news story is true.

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6 - A Rainy Night - Poem by Nudershada Cabanes


The moon is hiding
Her face veiled by thick, dark clouds
On a rainy night
Darkness wrapped the sky in black
Bereft of stars and moonlight


Nudershada Cabanes

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7 -A Red Crab In The Garden - Poem by Leela Devi Panikar


I came out of river water, I saw,
A cat. Afraid I stopped in awe,
My eyes two short matchsticks, scoping.
Quietly I crawled sideways hoping
Not to be seen. Fat-cat in ginger fur coat
Face smiling, and white his throat.
Sunning. Lying on garden seat
With eyes open sleeping, quite a feat.
Branches a-shiver with bird notes. Hot
I crept under an overturned pot,
waited, then keeping to shadows
I moved looking for other burrows.

Veni, vidi, vici…well almost vici


Leela Devi Panikar

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8 -Along The Jungle Fringe - Poem by Loke Kok yee


I waited alone by the jungle fringe
It was just before the break of dawn
The shadows of the night were slowly tinged
To announce the coming of the morn

In the distant dark sound of rattling spines
A porcupine going home was running late
His foraging done having fed and dined
Scampered with haste to his waiting mate

The incessant chorus of the dark had ceased
Night creatures to safe domains withdraw
Briefly there was a moment of peace
Then wild calls say a new day to explore

The gibbons had first taken up the lead
With their loud booming cries and more
Telling their rivals to take good heed
If you trespass much woe will befall

Soon all life of every hue and size
Joined in to loudly stake their rights
But hunger gnawed as the sun duly rise
And feeding replaced displays of might

In the distant far a sow I spied
Leading her young to safe cover nearby
Trailing behind was the boar that had tried
To gain her attention which she denied

The owl of course had disappeared
Long before the sun lit up the sky.
But I did not see her nor did I hear
In stealth and silence she had flown by

The civet cat had also retired back
To her tree hole shadowed by an offshoot
A pungent trail used to mark her track
Was all to betray her nocturnal route

There I sat as the day replaced night
While leeches and mites fed their fill
And I will be back when nature invites
For the wonders espied and joy fulfilled


Loke Kok yee


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9 -Beneath A 2000 Year Old Mississippi Oak Tree - Poem by Lynn W. Petty


Beneath a 2000 Year Old Mississippi Oak Tree


Beneath the luxuriant foliage of this venerable oak tree,
whose branches shut out the noon day sun;
whose roots drew the nurturing juices from earth
before the Spanish, French or English took possession of this land,
I sit listening to the softly, breathing music of the wind
through its leaves. Rendering more pliant, the fabric and temperament
of my mind, I hearken to a choir of migrating birds
who take rest from the breezes that wearied
their wings, filling this mansion of greenery with a harmony
of rich sound.
Looking up to the roof of its boughs, I am in wonder
of its height; its girth of trunk; its lichen-crusted limbs
draped with Spanish moss.
Here, I am given the sense of security knowing there is some
stability, almost permanence in this world of clouded doubt,
through this noble tree, whose life began before the death
of Augustus Caesar.

Lynn W. Petty

[ Bri's Notes: In recent showcases I've repeated the the poem title just before the text of the poem. I am not doing that this month and may never do it again! But on this poem's page the title appears, followed by the poet's name and then the title appears again, so this is what i copied and pasted to the showcase. ]

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So, there you have it! March Showcase is done, with 18 poems (not counting my introductory poem) , nine ‘about' "funny", and nine about "Nature/nature".

Thanks go from me to all poets and readers.

bri edwards

:)

akaBrian Edward Whitaker (in ‘the real world'
)

See you in April? ? ? ? Any suggestions? ?
My suggestion: Take a look at more poems of some of the above poets, and revisit sites of those you've enjoyed in the past.

Finis [ aka Finish, not Finnish ]