Marffs Regrets - Poem by Dakota Ellerton
Maybe I enjoy the pain you inflict on me.
The empty promises you give me.
You were the better part of me,
the part that left.
Five years have passed,
and it's only gotten worse.
My personality has twisted,
and mutated to the circumstances.
I do not trust,
I can not trust.
You've made me a sort of monster.
I am as poisonous as you love.
I am hateful, I am pain.
What life should be lived like this?
What lonely nights can you imagine?
Stuck in a world of torment,
I can not escape until the sun rises.
A prisoner of the shadows.
I don't want to live life without this,
without the insecurity I've wrapped around my heart.
The nights I lay lonely, the nights I lay with a stranger next to me,
it's all you're doing my dear.
You've destroyed the only sanity I had.
I drink and drink,
I feel temporarily numbed.
I hate you, fucking hate you.
No thats a lie, I hate what you've done.
I stumble, and I fall,
bruises and cuts appear all over.
What am I doing here, who are you?
The sun rises, and I walk in the door.
'What did you do last night? '
' I dont remember'.
Would you be angry with me?
I would be.
Only when I'm intoxicated,
would you tell me something so fake.
I cried endlessly that night.
Nothing but a bottle of Jacks in my hand,
as the water drips down my naked body.
This is the reality,
the truth of things.
I will watch the screen,
look into my own eyes.
'Don't...don't do it.
It's going to hurt, you'll never forgive yourself.'
But you do it anyways.
And now you're here,
laying on the floor,
How many pills did you take?
Kneeling down beside you, I picked up your head,
'Things wont stay this hard, please open your eyes'.
But you don't move.
I see the stream of tears, drying on your face.
The blood from your cuts, has almost stopped.
You`re laying on the floor,
I`m laying on the floor.
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