januel aal

Rookie (2-94 / usa)

Maybe We Will Never Know - Poem by januel aal

There have been so many mindless opportunities
I still cannot understand
So many important lectures
What is the point of this land

Show me the path
Show me your dread
I follow your lead
I stand in your stead

I know that there has been times when you saw me
When I saw myself with you
I know there has been times that you wanted me
And I know I want you

Could you ever believe that I love this time
This time of year
The sun turns grey
Shadows disappear

It rains and rains and rains
Yet it reminds me of spring and summer
Is this incomprehensible?
Do you not understand of my pain?

Can you not see it in my eyes?
When I stare at you in vain?
Darling if I could only tell you
You would understand

It was strange today
For the first time in forever
I told of my loss of gain
Of his hitting me

I imagine telling you
What would you say
Would you look at him disgusted
Or laugh at my face

Can I explain to you how I felt
How young I was
Would not avenge my mistake
With letting go

I know you find importance in everything
I know of your eyes
Your stare at me with knowingness
You are blind to surprise

I never thought I would speak to you
I thought I would look and look till you left
Till you were gone
And I would know nothing

I thought this may be better
No pain and nothing that hurts
Instead I have decided to rest my hand on the knife
And dive it into my chest

Do you feel the blade too?
Can you see the blood
Staining my skin
Staining my thin lips

Would you kiss me then
And pretend to not see a thing
Would you love me then
Pretend I am not crazy without you

Someday you can say to me
Or ask of me
Everything or anything
Anything you feel you must know

The cold now comes through the door
It makes me tremble
Maybe with delight
It gives me goose-bumps

I wish you were here to hold me tight
You could wrap your arms around me
Tell me you love
Can you feel this too

When I see you next
We will speak again
I will not hold it in
I will make a mistake

Or maybe not
Perhaps I am wrong
Maybe you want me too
You are only shy

Am I right or wrong?
Does night come before day?
Or the other way round?
Tell me now

Darling tell me you want me to know
Tell me you feel it too
That love is strong
And this was meant to be

I listen to music
It calms my nerves
It slows my beating heart

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Poem Submitted: Wednesday, May 12, 2010

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