My Loyal, Faithful, And Committed Partner! Poem by Joe Sadeghloo

My name is Kevin Randal
I died on April 2,2017, a fine early spring day, at the age of sixty.
My body was cremated and my ashes were put in an urn
and buried next to my Dad's grave in the village of Fithian's Cemetery, with its big skies above and
the Highway 74 by its side.


(I loved my dad. He was the only relative who I really cared for and deeply missed throughout my life.
We lost him, years back, to the Monster Disease, the big C) .


On my twentieth birthday, devils forced an arranged marriage on me!
My partner took over my life, my soul, and my existence, step be step...,
slowly but surely..., and never left me!
You couldn't have asked for a more loyal, faithful, and committed partner!


It made me think, stare and gaze for hours, for days, for nights...,
to the point that my best friend called me 'The Thinker! ', resembling the famous sculpture!
Then, these noises started filling up my head..., they were telling me not to trust anyone...,
no good came from anyone...., they were all there to hurt you, to harm you, to report you to the
authorities, the cops..., the FBI, and the others.
All people I knew, including my own mother, turned out against me.
'THEY WERE ALL SNITCHES! ' Fear started eating up my soul, inch by inch...


I was not welcome anywhere!
They shut the doors in my face! It seemed they didn't know me or care for me at all!
Or, they were scared of the devils in my head: 'He is paranoid! He is crazy!
He could lose it and beat you up! You see! He is such a big guy! '


The truth was I was more scared and I was all by myself!
They denied me attention when I needed it the most...
A couple of nights,
I slept in the one room morgue in the gated old grave yard, part of the small land which I owned,
not far from the Indiana state line..., I had no where to go, I had no money..., I had spent it all
renting rooms in cheap rooming houses and hotels....


I was committed to the state mental hospital by my relatives!
They found a name for my beloved partner: The mental disease 'SCHIZOPHRENIA! '. I was put on
medications!


I am from a big family, from the Plaines of the Midwest, the farm lands.
We were poor but proud, decent but tough!
(I know! I know! We had our shares of red necks, xenophobes, and the bad apples amongst us,
as well!) .
There was not enough space in our little farm house for my mom and dad and the seven siblings,
so, my younger brother and I, we slept in the barn,
we ate all the food which we got on our plates, nothing was left, nothing was wasted!


We kids grow up and left home, scattered around..., here and there...
most of us worked in the factories in close by towns and cities..., until they started shutting them down!
We moved to the bigger cities in search of work..., Indianapolis, Chicago, Milwaukee, ....


I had learned how to set up machines..., that was a hard trade but you were always in demand....
I was hired and fired by this shop and that shop when my partner made me think on the job, staring
aimlessly, losing my focus and my job....


I didn't give up! Found jobs in this and that factory...
Finally got my college degree...., took a long time, but I got it!
I was the first and the only one in our big family with a college diploma,
then again, the devils in my head didn't leave me alone, and the seasons came and gone, forty of them...!


With my SSDI (1) monthly checks I was able to live on my own in my old small cabin like dwelling.
INDEPENDENT!
But my life long partner and the devils kept telling me stories about the scary old man living
in my attic. He only showed up at night time, made noises, walked on top of me, cursed and yelled! as soon
as my eyes got heavy, he screamed..., I felt tumors' coming out of my body, under my arms, my stomach
couldn't hold any food...
I tried to tell this to those who came to see me..., they didn't believe me..., they thought I was hallucinating
again, after all, I was officially and medically diagnosed as mentally ill, a schizophrenic!


I was feeling pretty sick. They took my shirt off of me.
They noticed the weight loss and the swollen lymph nodes
where the devils had set up shops!
This time, they believed me! I must have looked pretty bad.
They took me to the hospital....
Doctors told me the truth..., I was too sick! I was not going to make it!
I was even asked where I wished to be buried?
'Next to my dad! ' I answered firmly!


My name is Kevin Randal
I died on April 2,2017.
I am buried at the Fithian's Cemetery next to my dad.
Take Illinois Interstate Highway 74, come and visit me sometime.
We'll talk about my loyal, faithful, and committed partner, the mental illness 'SCHIZOPHRENIA'!
You'll never know!
My story might, somehow, someway,
one way, or another, help someone, somewhere!
Then,
I CAN REST IN PEACE!


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(1) SSDI= Social security disability insurance is a government program that offers monthly Social Security Disability payments to people under age 65 who have qualifying disabilities and sufficient work credits.
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