Justin Reamer

Freshman - 967 Points (2 October 1993 / Holland, Michigan)

Poseidon - Poem by Justin Reamer

I am one of the Greek gods
You may have heard about
In some mythology class
Or something like that;
But let me
Introduce myself,
For I am Poseidon,
King of the Oceans,
And I am powerful
When it comes to ruling
The seas.

You probably know
My brother Zeus,
That jerk who rules
The entire world
In the heavens of
Mt. Olympus,
Sitting on his throne,
And acting like he
Is the boss of everyone.
Well, I am not he,
For I am more
Even-tempered and more rational
Than my brother who sits
On the throne.

As you probably know,
I was eaten by my father, Cronus,
When I was only a toddler,
And I have to say
That it was not a
Pleasant experience
Being inside of his guts.
Of course, ickle Zeussy-poo
Had to be Mommy's favourite,
So she saved him from
Being chowed by our father,
And, thus, he was raised in a cave
Off of Mt. Olympus,
And he fought to free all of us
From our father's bowels.

Well, I am thankful for what
My brother did for me,
But he keeps being such a jerk
And keeps rubbing it in all of our faces,
Saying that he is the Authority
Figure in this place
And that we should respect him
Because of what he did for us.

And, we always have to obey
All of his commands,
Or we all have to suffer his
Stupid short-tempered,
Impulsive rage.
It makes me angry
To think that he gets
To boss everyone around
Without even giving us
A single ounce of respect.
It makes me angry.

Well, I am more even-tempered
Than my brother,
So I have not smitten
As many people as he has,
For I am not really
The jealous type,
And I am not really the
Guy who is quick to anger.

I mean, despite what Zeus thinks,
I have life pretty good,
For I control the seas,
And all the waves and all
Of the sea creatures
And whatnot,
And, plus, I live
In a giant golden
Palace in the bottom
Of the Mediterranean Sea,
So I have it pretty well.

I mean, in my palace,
I have all the furniture
I could ever need,
All of the wine from
My nephew Dionysus,
All of the beautiful
Women I could ever want,
A nice brothel business,
Some strip clubs and whatnot,
A very beautiful wife
Who has been with me all
Of my days,
And who is immortal as I am,
And even when she gets pregnant,
She instantly regains her figure,
And never gets a single stretch mark
On her beautiful torso,
And her breasts never begin to
Sag, either,
So she never ages,
Just as I never age,
And I have lots of food,
And I have a few 'pets, '
If you will,
And I have an empty nest,
For my children (if you
Want to call them children)
Are all grown and independent
And out of the house,
So I am cool with that.
So, yeah, my life is not too bad.

And, yes, I love my children,
For I have many children,
Such as Scylla and Charybdis,
And Polyphemus,
And many Cyclopses of sorts,
The Kraken,
The Leviathan,
Some nymphs,
And, my favourite,
My demigod child you
May have heard of named
Percy Jackson.

And, as a father, I love my children,
And the only way you
Will make me angry is if you
Attack, hurt, maim, or kill
One of my family,
And that means my children
And my wives,
And my concubines,
And my harlots,
And my slaves.
That was why I was angry
With Odysseus,
Because that guy
Was such a jerk
That he hurt my own
Son, Polyphemus,
Whom I care about deeply,
Even though I must admit
That he is quite the crybaby,
For that jerk gouged my
Poor son's eyes out.

Now, smiting is not my style,
For that is my brother's style,
But, when I get angry,
I do not kill mortals,
But I still punish them
By making them suffer.

Now when Odysseus, the jerk-off,
Hurt my son Polyphemus,
I made it impossible for
Him to get home at all,
So I made him suffer by
Making him get home in ten years,
And starting that 'Odyssey'
That he is so famous for.

So, yeah, everyone thought
He was dead,
And suitors went after
His beautiful wife Penelope,
And Telemachus did not know
If his father was even alive,
And Odysseus travelled for
A very long time,
And he had Circe and Calypso,
Was blown away by Aeolus,
Because some stupid mortal
In his crew
Opened the windbag he
Was given,
Suffered the torture
Of sirens,
Lost men to Scylla and
(Which of my children
Are definitely
My least favourite) ,
Lost all of his men to Helios,
The Sun God who is one of my
Half-brothers, I believe,
And when he got home,
He had to kill all of the
Suitors in order to
Get his wife back from
Their lustful urges.
So, yes, indeed,
He suffered enough
For hurting one of my
And I left Odysseus
Alone after that.

Well, I must say
That I am not very famous,
For the Greek mortals
Are not very fond of me,
For they are more fond
Of my sister, Athena,
Then they are of me.
You probably figured that
They named their capital
After my sister, right?
So, how did that come about, you ask?
Well, my sister and I quarrelled about
Who the capital should be named after,
And then we decided to let the people decide,
So I made a fountain of salt water,
And my sister made an olive tree,
And the Greeks all went for the olive tree
Instead of my beautiful fountain,
So they named it after Athena,
And they called it Athens.

Ah, I guess that is why
They call them Athenians,
For they do not really
Want to be called Poseidonians
Or something like that,
So, yes, it works.

I guess my life is good,
And I am happy with everything
That I have,
And I am appreciative of it,
So that is what I like.
Life is good for me,
And I do not know about you,
But I am liking it.

It was nice meeting you,
And I have to do some work,
And thank you for listening
To my story.

Poet's Notes about The Poem

This is a poem that is supposed to make mythology more entertaining. Feel free to comment and vote.

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Poem Submitted: Monday, August 27, 2012

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