Rookie - 57 Points (29 September 1970 / South Africa)

.sad Girl - Poem by YURI DURAAN

She waits on the steps of his building,
sitting daintily, so not to crease her dress
checking and rechecking her appearance
in a silver-plated compact mirror
(a present from him, bought on one of many trips)

She avoids eye contact with passers-by
not wanting them to think that she's 'that sort of woman'

'I'll be down in a minute' he said to her - some time ago

She looks up at his window seven stories up where the light
is still blazing.... a beacon against the sky,
now dark,
the sky casting a shadow over her eager hopes and
naive disposition

Finally, she takes her leave,
uncertain, with little steps
looking up,
then looking down....
still avoiding eye-contact with passers-by
feeling exactly like 'that sort of woman'.

Comments about .sad Girl by YURI DURAAN

  • (8/19/2008 4:01:00 PM)

    Very nice. I feel for that sad girl.: (
    Good job!

    1 person liked.
    1 person did not like.
  • (6/9/2008 11:18:00 AM)

    Second by second, moment by moment, you describe your scene and it rings the truth for both men and women who have found themselves in a compromising position brought on by love...Coach (Report)Reply

    1 person liked.
    1 person did not like.
  • Loyd C. Taylor, Sr. (5/12/2008 4:17:00 AM)

    Hello friend Yuri. It was proably better that they didn't get together. A sad, interesting poem. Well done. L C Taylor (Report)Reply

    2 person liked.
    0 person did not like.
  • (4/21/2008 2:20:00 AM)

    Good creation of expectation, but it leaves you with a sense of wondering of how it ended - lovely piece. (Report)Reply

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  • Paolo Giuseppe Mazzarello (4/15/2008 3:07:00 PM)

    At the start we've 'her appearance in [..] a mirror': about the identity again. Then at two points it appears this 'avoiding eye-contact with passers-by' 'on the steps of his building': about to be looked up. Good poem, good narrative. (Report)Reply

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  • (4/15/2008 10:05:00 AM)

    You are really damn good Yuri! I believe the reason for that is that you actually feel what your writing. Well that and you have a good vocabulary. I think we kind of have a similar style in some ways, different, vague, yet hopefully with a meaning (atleast i know you do) . Good stuff (Report)Reply

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  • (4/12/2008 5:45:00 PM)

    Beautiful writing... (Report)Reply

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Poem Submitted: Saturday, April 12, 2008

Poem Edited: Sunday, April 20, 2008

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