Brendan Whitman

Rookie (August 23rd 1989 / Rhode Island)

Shine Without Envy - Poem by Brendan Whitman

I shine without envy
I work hard and don't pretend to be
the nicest guy with the greatest intentions
I don't ask for a lot but
respect my name when its mentioned
or you can catch a pair of hands
maybe that can help hold your attention
I got a cold heart I'm not trying to act friendly
and I don't know what I intend to be
but in time I'll make you see I will make it
and be at my destination, the end, finally
you live a life of fantasy of what real men claim to be
its fame you seek its a shame you see
cause I can't let people like you get close to me
because one slip up, your gone, your ghost to me
even if your the one person in my life that matters most to me
losing someone I love, someone I hold close to me
my eyes cloud inside and stretch wide with disbelief
I gotta stop living in the past, its history
like the tears I cried and dried to my cheek
I do love my family, you best believe
I know what its like to lose a branch off the family's tree
I cant do it again losing him took my own life from me
cut me so deep like god took a knife to me
so I drank the whole bottle, drain it all just to me
barely could see, blurred the shits getting hard to read

120 on a sack burned on my own
now I'm all alone and stoned
no money in my pocket all of it gone and blown
and that's still not whats bothering me
not even sure who I'm mad at who the target should be
already beat myself up I started with me
tore myself up worse I was probably harder on me
I see his eyes every night when I lay to go to sleep
the thoughts inside my mind are tearing me apart,
their killing me without my dad I'm like a hollow seed
planted in vain, the pains almost swallowing me
guilt is like a shadow always one step behind see
but the memories ride up front right beside me
hes gone and I may never get the chance
to see him again but I'm glad to have been his son
and even more to have been his friend
so I'm getting your name on my arm
with god opening the gates to let you in
and until I see you there I'll have to
make due with your crest upon my skin

I love you dad
and rest in peace
for death is life's greatest release.


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Poem Submitted: Sunday, March 15, 2009

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